Eye Candy #190 - "Knock Off" (The Damme #6)

Knock Off: Someone asked, “Woodchuck, why do you keep watching movies by The Damme?“  My answer - I watch them so you don’t have to.  Within 10 minutes of the start of this movie, I knew, without a doubt, this was one of the worst movies I‘d ever seen.  Period.  The only actor who can pull off an Asian-themed chop-socky movie where there are more White people than Asians is Jackie Chan (it‘s like “Mr. Nice Guy“ if “Mr. Nice Guy“ was complete CRAP).  This is the story of two bumbling idiots in Hong Kong (played by modern-day Hope & Crosby The Damme and Rob Schneider) who are up to their elbows in Russian crooks trying to smuggle bombs…get this…in knock-off baby dolls and blue jeans.  I understand, you may need to read that last sentence again.  All people involved in the production of this film should be imprisoned for not just the dumbing down of America, but the dumbing down of THE WORLD.   This was directed by Tsui Hark.  TSUI-MOTHER-LOVING HARK, living legend of Asian cinema, arguably one of the better directors of HK film, and even he can’t make anything of The Damme (and seeing as this came after “Double Team”, and it makes that movie look like “Raging Bull”, his attempts shape the career of The Damme got WORSE and not BETTER over time).   Aside from the ridiculous plot, the acting is slightly worse than a small town community theater musical.  Rob Schneider - kill not just your agent, but their agency.  Let’s not forget co-stars Paul Sorvino, who hasn’t been in this bad shape since he dyed his hair blond for “Romeo + Juliet”.  This was the career armpit of all involved.  Woodchuck sez, “Another beaut from The Damme.”