Eye Candy #477 - "Night of the Lepus"

Night of the Lepus:   The premise of this film, when spoken aloud, just can’t help but sound ridiculous - giant, man-eating rabbits rampage across the American southwest.  In the vein of “Them!” and “Phase IV”, this is a science fiction horror romp that, if nothing else, commits itself to its story and plays it as straight as possible.  Sure, the effects of normal sized rabbits rampaging in slow motion across miniature sets, smeared with ketchup on their faces as a stand-in for the blood of humans that they just ate is undeniably silly,  but that doesn’t mean it’s still not fun.  I’ve certainly seen worse movies with higher budgets and “better” special effects.  I mean, how the hell else are they going to get us to care about giant, man-eating rabbits? Deforest “Bones” Kelley, Stuart Whitman, Rory Calhoun, and Janet Leigh star as scientists and ranchers out to stop a rabbit plague that they exacerbate through science.  Not high art, but I enjoyed it.  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

Eye Candy #476 - "The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia"

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia:  Johnny Knoxville produced this latest chapter in the continuing saga of Jesco White, “mountain dancer” and general ne’er-do-well from Boone County, West Virginia.  This film showcases more of Jesco’s fantastic hillbilly relatives (he is one of at least 13 children) and their spawn.  Some are dead.  Some are incarcerated.    Sadly some of the relatives featured in the “Dancing Outlaw” have shuffled off this mortal coil (for example, Jesco’s brother Dorsey shot himself on accident…in the head; his wife Norma Jean passed away in 2008).   We get to watch his family snort coke together, smoke out together, get out of prison, it’s like “Ozzie and Harriet”, if Ozzie and Harriet smoked crack with David and Ricky.  Those family members featured are violent, crude, just generation after generation of failures congregating in Boone County, West Virginia (to be fair, not all members of the clan have been showcased;  the hope is that some of them are normal).  They all seem to have spent more time at the tattoo parlor than the dentist.  We do get to meet Poney, Jesco’s brother that moved to Minnesota and whose family wants nothing to do with Boone County.  Watching this film is like watching an 88 minute car wreck.  And while some of the bits are funny, it’s not as funny as the original and most of the Whites are devoid of the charm that Jesco has (and he still thinks he‘s Elvis sometimes, so that‘s nice).   As Jesco says, “Some families jes’ cain’t get it together.“  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #475 - "Giallo"

Giallo:  The problem with serial killer thrillers at this point in the game is that they’ve been done to death (pardon the pun).  So if you’re going to add to the genre, you need a hook that separates you from the ever-expanding herd, whether it be plot-related, visually, anything.  Otherwise, your film ends up seeming like a retread of “Silence of the Lambs” (arguably the greatest example of the genre).  Emanuelle Seigner’s supermodel sister is kidnapped by a taxi cab-driving serial torturer/rapist, and the only person in the whole country of Italy willing to help her is Enzo Avolfi (Adrien Brody), a police inspector who is himself a victim of serial killer violence (and seems like a New York cop transported to Italy).  The killer is called “Yellow” (hence the title).  Dario Argento (of horror movie fame), directs.   Detached and aloof, the film makes it hard to carry about anyone involved, from the victims to Avolfi to the killer.   The killer is  more comical and odd than scary.  Hannibal Lector he is not.  There is some gore (a particularly  graphic finger severing).  The sum of the parts here is ho-hum.  Adrian Brody sued to have the movie blocked from release because he says the filmmakers hadn’t paid him.  I think he should have sued because it just wasn’t very good.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #474 - "Superman Returns"

Superman Returns: I’m a fan of director Bryan Singer. “The Usual Suspects” and “X-2” are two of my favorite films and I enjoy the TV show “House”, which he executive produces. Sadly, I will not be adding “Superman Returns” to that list. Why, you ask? Because this film tries to be too many things at one time and then fails at doing any of them well. This is not the best Superman film of all time, not even the second best (and frankly, it’s hard to be worse than Superman 3 and 4).  Superman (Brandon Routh) has returned from a five-year absence, having left into space to see if anything of Krypton remained. In his absence, Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth) married someone else and had a kid, Jimmy Olsen grew up, and Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) got out of prison for the umpteenth time and is determined to run the world his way. He also discovers Superman’s sanctum sanctorum, the Fortress of Solitude (though they don’t call it that specifically, but you know what I mean).  But soon Clark Kent is back at the Daily Planet and Superman is back saving the world, and Lex is stepping up to oppose him being using kryptonite to raise an island from the ocean floor and destroy superman at the same time. Yes, it plays at just as jumbled as it sounds.  The problem with a Superman movie is this – you have to make people root for the hero. It’s why Reeve was so successful, you wanted him to beat General Zod. Routh is an unknown quantity and while he’s passable in the role, he’s never given a root-for-him-type moment. In fact, he has never seemed more alien than in this movie, gazing with a sort of benevolent half-smile as he watches those silly humans get themselves in trouble.  It doesn’t help that the only really root-for guy is Richard White, Lois’ husband (played by James Marsden, given more to do here than he got to do in either of the last two X-Men movies as Cyclops). Bosworth is unremarkable as Lois, in a role that should have gone to an older actress (she looks her age of 23 and we’re supposed to believe she’s a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist…with a five year old child…sorry, we don’t).  And I understand that Singer is a gigantic fan of the original Superman movies and Richard Donner, as can be evidenced by use of archival footage of Marlon Brando from the first Donner Superman movie. But that can be just as much a hindrance as it can an homage, particularly if you weren’t around for the first film.  The film’s problems:

1. Length: it goes on for 2 ½ hours. It could’ve been much shorter.

2. Casting: Aside from my aforementioned issues with Bosworth, there is a lot of talent wasted in throw away roles. The two biggest examples are Parker Posey as Lex’s moll Kitty Kowalski and Kal Penn (Taj from “Van Wilder” ) as one of Lex’s flunkies who isn’t given a whole lot to do. 

3. The mystique of Superman – this is a Superman movie that doesn’t once decide to address the mystique of Superman, to its detriment (none of the others had Superman returning from a five-year exile). And the film also forgot it was based on a comic book character and you can’t make a superhero movie and completely remove those elements in favor of some kind of pseudo-realism. I’m not saying I need giant capes and pjs, but when the major conceit is that your alter ego wears a pair of glasses to hide his identity, if you play that too straight, the audience will wonder just who stupid all the people in the movie are.

4. Sense of humor – it’s completely absent. 

This movie would have benefited from a stronger script BIT TIME.  Woodchuck sez, “Not my cup of tea. Go see ‘Batman Begins’ instead.”

Eye Candy #473 - "The Little Mermaid"

The Little Mermaid: A Disney movie I’ve never seen prior to last night. I don’t think I was really in the mood for an animated musical (especially since I had just suffered through a viewing of the immensely unsatisfying X-Men 3), but I do remember having to sing at least one selection from this movie’s soundtrack as a choir concert piece in high school.Ariel, the mermaid, falls in love with a regular landlubber and promises a sea-witch her singing voice if the witch will give her legs. Hijinks ensue. You don’t need to know much more plot than that because there isn’t much more plot than that (the movie clocks in right around 1 hour 20 minutes, so I can’t give you a whole lot more of the plot, because it just doesn’t exist). Insert talking undersea creatures, singing, and an evil witch that looks like my high school pre-calculus teacher, season with a little calypso flavoring, and away we go.  This film didn’t knock my socks off. I’ve seen better cel-animated and computer-animated films than this, though it does fit into that same realm of films like “The Black Cauldron” and “The Sword and the Stone” – films that a.) did not age well; and b.) look shoddily put together in the first place. C’mon, Disney, Pixar has shown that you CAN do an animated film that’s longer than 80 minutes and has a script smart enough to keep an adult interested and you can do it consistently. Granted, after “Little Mermaid”, we got the superior films “Beauty & the Beast,” “Aladdin,” and “The Lion King”…but have since followed with a largely lackluster run of films (like the atrocious “Pocahontas”) up to present day (with the exception of my favorite Disney movie to-date, “The Emporer’s New Groove”).  Some folks may be ga-ga over this film. I am not one of them.  Woodchuck sez, “I’ve seen better and I’ve seen worse.”

Eye Candy #472 - "Lady in the Water"

Lady in the Water: As some of you know, I'm a huge mark for M. Night Shyamalan. I found his first three movies to be excellent (I own all three, too). "The Village" was okay, but didn't knock my socks off. I heard more about the hype surrounding "Lady in the Water", how he fought with movie studios to get it made because thought that it wasn't worth making into a film. And after having viewed the film, there is some truth to that claim. I also know that the film got savaged by the critics...but if you watch the movie, you know there is one character in particular (a movie critic) so blatantly over the top, it's obvious he was trying to piss them off and it made most of the reviewers look catty that lashed out at him for it.  Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti) is a building superintendent for a Pennsylvania apartment complex. He discovers a naked woman in the swimming pool at the complex named Story (played by Bryce Dallas Howard). She is a narf, a water-dwelling creature sent to help mankind and then return to her world. However, because she is here, there is also a scrunt (think big, grassy wolf-dog) who kills narfs. Cleveland must find out how to save Story, with the help of other tenants of the apartment.  An attempt to create a modern-day fairytale, the film lacked for magic and wonder. The film has several problems - The film has several problems -

1. obvious issues with credibility - if magical creatures began to show up at your apartment complex, would you automatically jump on board and believe they are true? Well, you shouldn't live the Cove Apartments because apparently everyone else would

2. the acting - Giamatti has to carry this film by himself. Ms. Howard is given very little to do except sit in a shower wet and look pale and cold all the time. Some people bemoaned M. Night casting himself as a tenant of the complex, but I couldn't see what the big deal was, in light of some of the lackluster casting (and wasting actors like Geoffrey Wright in nothing-roles).. What can Story do? Not a whole helluva lot apparently. The scrunt is the only one that actually does anything remotely interesting. 

3. The sounds - the people talk in such low volumes that when you raise the volume to hear them, you get you eardrums blasted out by the scrunt. M. Night, the dialogue isn’t important is no one can hear it.

4. Oomph - the film just lacks “oomph”. It’s got no big reveal like all his other movies, the reveal which makes the rest of the film make sense, like Bruce Willis realizing he’s dead in “Sixth Sense” and “The Village” being built upon a lie. There is no such device in this film, thus dramatically, it’s got no ups and downs because of it. It’s flat as a board.

I tried really hard to like this movie. M Night just didn’t give me much reason too. So apparently, the study execs that thought this story wouldn’t carry a film...were right.  Woodchuck sez, “Only if you are an M Night completist”.

Eye Candy #471 - "Syriana"

Syriana: A modern-day indictment of the oil industry and its players, the legal and illegal, the greedy and the poor and the corrupt. ‘Syriana’ itself is a term used by various Washington think-tank groups to describe a hypothetical Middle East (or so imdb.com tells me).  Directed by Steve Gaghan (who wrote “Traffic”, which is an excellent film), we have a variety of points of view and plot threads on the move here:

-the young, idealistic oil analyst with big ambitions (Matt Damon)

-the grizzled CIA agent (George Clooney) who knows the Middle East and its political climate better than any other current agent, but no one, including his handlers, are willing to listen to him

-the eldest son of a Saudi emir (Alexander Siddig) who wants to use his country’s oil wealth to revitalize his nation

-a corporate troubleshooter (Jeffrey Wright) responsible to investigating a recent oil merger that is mightily inconvenient for his employer

-a young Pakistan émigré who loses his job at an oil refinery (because of the aforementioned merger) and finds himself falling under the sway of a radical madrasah and the path of martyrdom

All these threads intertwine here, to show what is done in the name of oil, profits, power, religion, greed, and hate. And while it is an arguably depressing view, it has taken the time to demonstrate how it is not just a “Western” problem - none of the parties involved are in it for the greater good, they treat it like war, with nation-states fighting over resources like generals with armies. The battles are legal and extra-legal, the tactics sometimes fatal.  The movie is technically solid. Gaghan is able to keep all the stories moving and interesting to what may seem like an inevitable conclusion. The performances, particularly by Clooney (who is really against type here for him), are solid. I couldn’t find a weak link (it doesn’t hurt that the small parts are played by Chris Cooper and Christopher Plummer). I was really impressed by Alexander Siddig (who you may remember as Dr. Julian Bashir on “Star Trek Deep Space Nine”). He really hasn’t been given that many opportunities to flex his chops (the closest I can think of “Kingdom of Heaven” and even then, he’s a supporting role). He's excellent here, as the eldest son of the Saudi emir who wants to undo the damage to his country economically that oil has wrought (specifically the squandering of oil wealth so that S.A's GNP is somewhere in the neighborhood of 30th place, behind such economic "powerhouses" as Thailand and Pakistan).  What I enjoyed about the movie the most is its unwillingness to blame one side exclusively for the situation. We are shown the worst in human nature on all sides acting in conjunction. Whereas it is SO easy to fall into a trap condemning American foreign policy and oil company profits (which are easy outs that don’t identify all sides of the problem, and because it doesn’t, it doesn’t educate the audience beyond the easy visceral, emotional ‘right/wrong’ response of getting people pissed off with incomplete information, which seems to be happening more and more in all forms of media).   If you are going to tackle this subject, I always vote on the side of thoroughness, because then you have enough information to draw your own conclusions.  An excellent film and one I think everyone should view. This film was better than “Capote”, “Crash”, "Munich", and “Brokeback Mountain”.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #470 - "X-Men 3 The Last Stand"

X-Men 3 The Last Stand: I put off seeing this in the theater because I just didn’t get a good vibe from the trailers or any of the preview literature I’d read. I’m glad I did. This film is a huge disappointment and more proof that Brett Ratner wasn’t the reason that the “Rush Hour” movies were so good. I enjoyed “X-2" a ton, I think it’s a great fun movie. And apparently the reason is a.) the director Bryan Singer (who hasn’t let me down yet; even his movies that I don’t think quite work like “Apt Pupil” are still decent films); and b.) screenwriter David Hayter (Zak Penn is also listed as a screenwriter for both X-2 and X-3, but he also gave us the craptacular “Elektra” so I’m assuming that Hayter was the successful part of that duo).  There’s almost nothing about this movie that is good.  Script? Trite and dumb. Insultingly slow, with dialogue that is beyond bad or compelling. Also, it’s chock full of needless deaths, variations on comic themes that are lousier than their inspiration (turning Phoenix into an aspect of Jean Grey instead of an alien entity, for example). We also get heroes who are now villains (like Madrox and Psylocke). And none of it rings true, none of it works.  Casting? Some HUGE gaffes, with the largest being the casting of Vinnie Jones (who I love dearly as Bullet Tooth Tony in “Snatch”) as Juggernaut. He’s completely inappropriate for the part. And some of the series mainstays are COMPLETELY wasted, especially Rebecca Romijn and James Marsden (I don’t know who he pissed off, but he was so poorly used in the last two movies, he should slap his agent). Famke Janssen spends most of the movie silent and looking too old for the part. Anna Paquin (Rogue) vanishes fifteen minutes into the film. Patrick Stewart phones in his performance. And then Ian McKellen, in an attempt to salvage the film, over-acts his little a$$ off. And it doesn’t help.  The only good thing? The introduction of new characters like Beast and Kitty Pryde, and getting to see more of Colossus. But they aren’t given a whole lot to do, unfortunately, as Ratner decided to make the film about Phoenix, Magneto, and Wolverine.  And so the X-Men franchise comes to a close with a dull *thud*. This movie couldn’t end soon enough.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #469 - "First Descent"

First Descent: More and more, I’m finding the X-Games much more entertaining than the more conventional Olympics. We really get the impression that the athletes are trying to top themselves year after year, not just for the benefit of winning a medal, but for the enjoyment of the fans, who follow some of the athletes in a very cult-like fashion. They make you care about their sport moreso than the U.S. Women’s Synchronized swim team.  Also, if you watch X-Games, you know Shawn Farmer, the red-haired, freckled Olympic gold medalist who can pretty much do anything on a snowboard his mind can imagine. Helluva way to make a living.  This documentary juxtaposes the history of snowboarding from its original pioneers, with an all-era group of them descending mountains in Alaska that most people have never even seen before, much less skied or snowboarded down. Some of the mountains attempted look phenomenally dangerous as they are breathtaking.  Snowboarding also has the benefit of being one of the better filmed sports in recent history so there is a ton of archive footage in the film as well.  This film just didn’t have the *oomph* of “Dogtown and the Z-boys” and “Riding with Giants”. There is no mysticism with snowboarding, no mythical “waves”, no mythical figures from early in the history of the sport. It was real easy to get other stuff done around the apartment with this in the background.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #468 - "Jet Li's Fearless"

Jet Li’s Fearless: Billed as Jet Li’s last chopsocky flick (what kind of movies he’s going to make now, I have no idea, which I imagine is the same boat the casting directors are in). In addition to being his last film, this is the film which best personifies his philosophy about martial arts (referred to as “wushu” throughout the film).  Li is Huo Yuanjia, legendary martial artist famous for successfully besting foreign fighters at the turn of the 20th Century. The problem with Huo is that he doesn’t always act like the upstanding person. In fact, his vanity results in the death of his daughter and family, at which point he wanders the land to reconnect with himself, returning a stronger, more humble man concerned with strengthening the Chinese self-image. And when a contest is announced in Shanghai for the best German, British, Japanese, and French fighters versus the best the native population can offer, Huo is the only person to step forward for the task. He manages to best 3 of the 4 fighters but, fatally poisoned by skullduggery, he dies shortly following the conclusion of the fight. His martial arts school, Chin Woo, continues to this day. A variation of this same story was told in Bruce Lee’s “Fist of Fury” and Li’s earlier “Fist of Legend” (both of which are better movies than this one).  This is hardly Jet Li’s best movie. The script is laughable, the dialogue deplorable, and the people doing the English editing are pootastic. The previews would have you think this was the be-all-end-all for his oeuvre, and sadly it’s not. And it pales greatly when compared to movies like “Hero” (which I thought was phenomenal, and was better looking and had a better script). It’s unfortunate that Li decided to leave the stage with this film. C’mon, Jet, John Candy had no choice to leave us with “Wagons East” and Raul Julia had no choice to leave us with “Street Fighter”; you aren’t going to get a lot of romantic comedy roles. Look at Steven Seagal and Jackie Chan as proof.  Sure, we’ve got fights galore and that’s all well and good if that’s all you’re looking for. But it’s not enough for me. It's not as mystical as it wants to be and not as well-made as it is assumes it is.  Woodchuck sez, “For fans only. Everyone else will probably be disappointed.”

Eye Candy #467 - "Pulse"

Pulse: This movie, like many movies these days, was marketed wrong. Instead of marketing it (appropriately) to the sci-fi crowd, it was marketed to the (inappropriate) horror crowd. I will admit right off the bat, Kristen Bell is HAWT so I had already pretty much decided that I would check this out on DVD regardless of what I’d heard. Not surprisingly the reviews were uniformly bad but after having viewed the film, I don’t think they are completely deserved.   The skinny: people, including our dear Ms Bell, are all going to school at an unnamed American university. Soon, shadowy shapes, flitting images of people, and ghost-like beings begin to appear, attacking regular humanity. Soon, society is breaking down, people are committing suicide in gruesome fashion, and more and more of the ghosty people keep appearing and appearing.  The conventional wisdom would have you believe they’re ghosts. However, they’re NOT. And the explanation of who they are is intriguing – there was an experiment by several college students involving wireless communication, resulting in them discovering frequencies that weren’t previously known. Once they discovered these frequencies, they also discovered voices communicating on said frequencies, but the voices had the ability to modulate frequencies if they thought they were being listened. And then they began to invade our world, attacking humans so they could (and this is the only really dumb plot point) steal their “will to live”, at which point a human’s body is consumed from within and eventually causes them to turn to ash and such (it would have been better if they had just said that they stole souls, because that’s what it looks like). So they kill people by making people want to kill themselves.  Because the beings travel by frequency, they can appear anywhere there is a cellphone, a computer hooked to the internet, email, instant messenger, PDA, or walkie-talkie (but oddly enough, not radio). The only way to stop them is to either destroy the signal or go some place where there is no signal or network like the desert. Or, you can make your apartment airtight cover your entire apartment in red tape because the red blocks their ability to travel by signal. So I guess it’s partly a comment on our technology-driven society and our over-reliance on wireless communication devices (it’s certainly much more compelling of argument: “Don’t use cellphones or you’ll get cancer!” versus “Don’t use cellphones or evil creatures will come steal your will to live!”). Bell does okay with what she’s given. She is accompanied by Ian Somerhalder, Boone from “Lost” as a hacker who discovers how to stop the creatures (or at least how he thinks they could be stopped). The rest of the cast isn’t noteworthy (though we do get a little Ron Rifkin love).  So, it’s not a bad movie at all, and it's got plenty of creepy images in it to go around. It’s also certainly not the full-on horror movie that the ads would have you believe (I swear some of the marketing departments for the studio houses need to learn their audience better; if there’s no blood and gore, you can’t market it like “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”).  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #466 - "The Proposition"

The Proposition: A bleak Australian western penned by Nick Cave, I heard about “The Proposition” months ago and its successful round of film festivals. It never got a large theatrical release and after watching the film, it’s perfectly clear why. You know you are in for a violent, violent film when there is a disclaimer about the treatment of aborigines in the film.  Mikey and Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce) are two of a three-brother criminal family who are captured by Australian police in a tin shack whorehouse (into which the police put a lot of bullets). Charlie is given a deal by the police chief Captain Stanley (Ray Winstone) to track down and kill his older brother Arthur (Danny Huston) to spare the life of his younger brother Mikey from the gallows. Seems that Arthur is the most unsavory of the three and is very much still at large and killing people.  But finding Arthur is not as easy as it sounds. He lives out where white men do not go, and where the native population of aborigines put big damn spears in trespassers (5-6 long and at least an inch or two around, make you look like a spiny blowfish you get 3 or 4 of them in you). While Charlie is off finding Arthur, Captain Stanley finds himself quickly losing control of the situation to a vigilante mob who want to dispense a little frontier justice to poor little Mikey who has been left behind (to the tune of 40 lashes) and don’t care for the deal extended to Charlie, who is a violent murderer in his own right.  Charlie eventually finds Arthur, but is wounded by aborigines in the process (and if you ever wanted to see an aborigine’s head explode due to a bullet, this is your picture), and that doesn’t bode well for Mikey, post-whipping. Nor does it bode well for Captain Stanley when Arthur Burns comes a-calling for his little brother. Because then all we’ve got left is revenge.   Some of the reviews I’ve read of the film compare it to an Australian answer to “Unforgiven”. In some ways I think they are right, but they are much more graphic here in their depiction of violence (if you aren’t getting your throat cut, you’re getting a bullet through your brainpan) The environment is so bleak and harsh, is it any wonder that that world bred violent criminals like the Burnses in the film, and Ned Kelly in real life? The reviews also stressed the themes of family, loyalty, brotherhood, and other such hogwash. This film is about revenge. Period.  The acting seems to be more in the speak-little-look-moodily-around vein. Pearce has maybe a half-dozen lines in the whole film. Huston seems to be trying to evoke his father John’s famous voice.  Winstone is given the most to do and he’s fairly solid. Supporting cast also has Emily Watson (who isn’t given much to do as Stanley’s wife) and David Wenham (who is apparently content to be a goofy character actor and NOT capitalize on any possible sex appeal as Faramir).  If you are looking for a warm, fuzzy, feel-good movie, this is NOT your picture. If you are looking for a solid western, it’s up your alley.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #465 - "Beerfest"

Beerfest:  This movie is just a lawsuit waiting happen.  Something probably involving death by binge drinking.  Probably some frat guys.  I run hot-cold on the Broken Lizard guys.  “Super Troopers” was entertaining and “The Dukes of Hazzard” had its pluses.  I wouldn’t say either was high art, but it certainly looked like they wanted to have fun and we’re doing it however they wanted to do it.  “Beerfest” is their latest offering, about a secret beer-drinking competition held during Octoberfest in Germany.  Americans have historically not been invited to participate.  Enter the Wolfhouse brothers who, trying to get the ashes of their grandfather back to Germany, end up in the middle of Beerfest and get thoroughly embarrassed in the process.  They decide to put together their own team of drinkers, comprised mostly of some of their old college buddies.  They spend a year training to beat the German Beerfest team, helmed by members of the von Wolfhausen family, who blame Grandpa Wolfhouse for stealing their secret beer formula for the greatest German beer ever created and absconding to America.  The bulk of the film is about preparing for the games (competitive quarters, you get the idea) and getting the team together.  A LOT of alcohol appears to be consumed in this movie (hence, the disclaimer at the beginning of film: “If you try to drink as much as they do in the movie…YOU WILL DIE.” ). I can’t help myself – this movie was funny.  Like “Super Troopers” before it, there are some great, great quotes in this film.  And I’m continually amazed by the legitimate talents that end up in these films beside Broken Lizard, with this go-round including Donald Sutherland, Cloris Leachman, and Jurgen Prochnow.(playing, you guessed it, an evil German).  I wouldn’t own it, but damn it had me laughing a couple of times.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #464 - "Miami Vice"

Miami Vice: I was a little too young to enjoy the TV show “Miami Vice” in its heyday. I remember watching the occasional tidbit, seeing the “Miami Vice” stunt show at Universal Studios. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned more (and seen more) about Michael Mann, the TV series creator. I’ve enjoyed some of his other films: Heat, Collateral, The Last of the Mohicans, Manhunter, The Insider. They’re all fairly stylish, well-written, good movies that are watchable again and again (I own quite a few of them). So seeing Mann revisit his old stomping grounds of “Miami Vice” wasn’t a scary idea. I knew that it wasn’t going to be a retread of old looks, actors, and stories, and Mr. Mann really hasn’t let me down yet.  Gone is Don Johnson as Sonny Crocket. In is everyone’s favorite Irishman about town (no, not Liam Neeson) Colin Farrell. Gone also is Phillip Michael Thomas as Rico Tubbs. In is Jamie Foxx (a Mann alum from Collateral). Trudy, Switek, Vito, Calabrese are all here as well, played by younger, hipper actors.  An FBI undercover deal goes sour, resulting in the death of a former informant of Crockett and Tubb’s. They are pressed into service by FBI Agent Fujima (Ciaran Hinds) to find out who the shooter is and close them down. This brings them into contact with Colombians, Cubans, the Aryan Brotherhood, Haitian mobsters, and one Chinese businesswoman/interpreter (Gong Li, in only her second all-English role, the first being “Memoirs of a Geisha”). We also get fast cars, fast boats, explosions, incidental nudity, and the trademark loud Michael Mann gunfight.  The dialogue is good (some of it lifted from old “Miami Vice” episodes), the action set pieces are solid (as I’ve come to expect from Mann), and the acting is relatively good. It’s a fun movie to watch, entertaining, but does have some flaws.  While this movie has got style to spare, the plot leaves some gaping holes, including one major one in particular - Tobbs and Crockett are supposed to find who ratted out the FBI agents that got killed when the original operation went into the pooper...and they never do.  Mann’s use of music, which is usually spot-on, seems more muddled than usual - there is almost too much music and not all of it serves the film.  And at 2 hours 26 minutes, the film is about a half-hour too long.  But I enjoyed it. I took my dad with me for his birthday and he enjoyed it. So there you go.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #463 - "The Prestige"

The Prestige: Read this book a few weeks back in preparation for this movie. It’s the story of two magicians in the late 19th-early 20th century England whose rivalry goes beyond just the professional. This is the 4th major film outing for director Christopher Nolan, who gave us “Memento” and “Batman Begins”.  Borden (Christian Bale) and Angier (Hugh Jackman) are journeyman magicians under the same stage magician who have a falling out over a trick gone horribly, horribly wrong (resulting in the death of one of the participants). They become competitors, each seeking to find the secret of the others tricks and preventing the other from being successful, including acts of sabotage and violence. But the more we learn about each magician, the more answered questions about who they are come up until the final 15 minutes of the film when all is fairly well revealed and we learn more about who each man really is.  Bale and Jackman are both excellent, with a solid supporting cast in Michael Caine as Jackman’s “engineer” (the designer of his stagecraft), Scarlett Johansson as the love interest of both men, and David Bowie in a great turn as Nicola Tesla (he does an excellent; you hardly recognize him as Bowie…even with the different colored eyes). Throw in Andy Serkis and Roger Rees, and you've got an extremely talented group of people on screen.  There are quite a few changes from the book upon which the film is based. For one, a framing sequence involving descendants of both men in the present day is the device the book uses to retell each man’s life and passion/obsession in the other. Also, the electricity device created by Tesla and used by Angier onstage works somewhat differently than in the book. There were several other changes that I won't elaborate here (they have to do with the fate of both men in the book, parts of which were changed significantly). I don’t think that any of these changes took away from the story shown in the film (there were some pretty weak parts of the book, particularly in the contemporary pieces).  An all-around well-made, watchable film.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #462 - "Feast"

Feast: A horror comedy very much in line with the “Tales from the Crypt” movies (with an even smaller budget), this film is apparently the product of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s “Project Greenlight” show. I watched some of the episodes but it bored the heck out of me (mainly because the “creative process” for some people is either mind-numbingly dumb or mind-numbingly awful). But a co-worker at Borders who watches more movies than I do (probably because he’s not working 2 jobs) watched this and said it was worth a look, so away we go.  The plot: various patrons of an isolated desert bar get attacked by a family of creatures that eat people, eviscerate people, sever limbs, swallow children whole. The bar is populated by all manner of character archetypes, from the town layabout, to the hero and heroine. Each character is introduced with a little card. For example:

Name: Hero
Occupation: Kicking Ass
Life Expectancy: Pretty f*cking good.

Even dear Jason Mewes (of “Clerks” fame) has a part, playing himself…until his face gets ripped off and he gets shot. We’ve got a few other name people in the movie: Balthazar Getty, Henry Rollins, Treach from Naughty by Nature. Hell, half the cast is dead within the first 7 minutes of the film (particularly some of the “names”).  Once the action gets started, most of our cast doesn't make it out alive. However, the tongue is obviously firmly planted in cheek and with any good gory horror movie, What other conclusion can you draw from little monsters that like to hump everything. The previews for this movie don’t make it look like the big, dark joke that it is.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #461 - "Clerks 2"

Clerks 2: I watched the original “Clerks” film many, many moons ago as a young man in college. It was entertaining for what it was and how it was made. It isn’t my favorite Kevin Smith movie (that’s “Chasing Amy”), but I remembered bits from it fondly. Didn’t see the sequel when it came out in the theaters, but did rent it this past week. And while this probably comes as a surprise to no one, the sequel surpassed the original, striking a nice balance between the rauncy toilet humor in the first film with more poignant “grown up” stuff. This is obviously the product of an older, wiser Kevin Smith (of course, having done five movies between then and now, you would assume he would have learned something from both his successes and his failures).  We find everyone’s favorite slackers, Dante and Randall, switching careers (by necessity, since the Quik-E Mart burns down in the first 5 minutes of the film). They now flip burgers for a living at Moobyland, a McDonalds-like restaurant chain with a cow theme (something that’s carried over from several Smith movies). Dante is engaged to be married and is moving to Florida with his new bride, and it’s his last day on the job. But being as it’s Dante and Randall, things just can’t go as planned. So throw in a donkey show, a little bestiality, Pillow Pants, pregnancy, true love and happiness, and you get a busy 24 hours.  Back again are Brian O’Halloran and Jeff Anderson reprising their roles from the first film, as well as Jay and Silent Bob as the world’s most lovable drug dealers this side of Cheech and Chong. And we’ve got other Smith alums like Ben Affleck in a small cameo and Jason Lee in a bit part. We’ve also Rosario Dawson as Becky, Dante and Randall’s manager and Dante’s love interest (but not his fiancée).  There were quite a few laugh-out-loud moments, particularly Randall’s dissertation on racist epithets and how he’s going to reclaim “Porch monkey” for all to use (up to and including putting “Porch Monkey 4 Life” on the back of his Moobyland work shirt). Also, Jay does his "Silence of the Lambs" dance (you know, the one where Jame Gum dances around in front of the camera and put his junk between his legs...this is what Jay does...outside Moobyland...and it's HYSTERICAL).  A sequel that is a huge improvement over the original. I liked this movie a lot.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #460 - "Casino Royale"

Casino Royale: I admit that the last time I saw James Bond in action in “Die Another Day”, it seemed like the swerve back into “Moonraker” territory and that spacemen shooting lasers at one another was not far off (again). Disbelief was not just suspended, it was kicked in the jimmy.  But I took heart when I saw who they cast as the new Bond. Daniel Craig I’ve enjoyed in other movies like “Layer Cake”, and felt he was a stronger actor than Brosnan, even if he didn’t have the suave edge and the brown hair. After watching the movie this past weekend, I wasn’t disappointed.  This is not your standard Bond film. There are minimal gimmicks, no reality-straining plot twists, no forced quips. We get Bond at the beginning of his career at 007, seeing how much he can get away with and not caring who he has to kill or what he has to do in the name of forwarding the Queen’s interests around the world, up to and including attacking the embassies of other countries, bedding down various married ladies, and free running after a suspect through a construction site (the suspect is actually played by parkour developer Sebastien Foucan; if you don’t know what parkour is…read a book!). Craig’s Bond is meaner, leaner, more assassin and soldier than gentleman spy. He doesn’t have cars that shoot missles, crocodile submarines, or wristwatch dartguns. He’s got a Walther PPK with a silencer and a willingness to crack skulls on sinks. He doesn’t even know how he likes his martinis. But it’s a mighty entertaining ride.  Bond is on the trail of terrorists, and crosses paths with terror financier Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen, who played Tristram in “King Arthur”). Le Chiffre needs money to finance various terror enterprises, so he hosts a high stakes card game in Montenegro to make a quick 100 million dollars to get his enterprises back on track. Bond buys his way into the game (or rather Her Majesty’s government does) and mayhem ensues, including the destruction of a beautiful Aston Martin DBS and Bond’s testicles being brutalized (no, I didn’t make that part up). Mikkelsen is good and it doesn’t hurt that he looks all the effete European with scarred eye and thin upper lip.  The Bond girl this time around is Eva Green (from “Kingdom of Heaven”) as Vesper Lynd, representative of the department of the treasury, sent along to safeguard Her Majesty’s investment in the card game. We also get the umpteenth Felix Leither (whose been Black, White, and in-between) in the from of actor Jeffrey Wright (so Felix is Black again!).  And while the film does have one too many climaxes (the final tally is 3), this is easily the best Bond film I’ve seen in a great long while and is probably in my top 2 or 3 of his films ever. I look forward to more Daniel Craig as Bond.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #459 - "Poseidon"

Poseidon: I will freely admit that I have never seen the original “Poseidon Adventure” in all my movie viewing (I’ve also never seen “Gone with the Wind”, which is apparently heretical, since I talk about movies so much), but I was in the mood for some mindless silly Hollywood violence and implausible action set pieces, so into the queue at Netflix it went.  The plot - this is the film the ship tourism industry doesn’t want you to see - the ocean liner Poseidon is struck by a rogue wave that topples the ship, making the bottom the top and the top the bottom. Because most boats (I would gather almost all boats) are not built to float upside down, some hardy survivors (led by Kurt Russell and Josh Lucas) decide they need to find a way out and proceed to make their way through the ship to the bottom and what is hoped to be safety. Meanwhile, the rest of the passengers that survived decide to hole up in the giant ballroom...that’s lined with big glass windows...that’s underwater...and well, you know that just isn’t a formula for a happy ending for those characters. And considering the escaping passengers led by Lucas and Russell indirectly contribute to the deaths of the other passengers because of their own actions (they set off an accidental explosion, which is one of the factors leading to the other passengers getting killed).  This film is short. The boat is flipped within the first ten minutes, the decision to move out two minutes after that, and they are out of the boat right around 90 minutes. In between, there is a lot of fire, water, burnt corpses, floating corpses, you get the picture. The problem is the time it takes the film to unwind you really don’t have the time to get to know the character, care about them, or give a @#%$ who lives or who dies. The film is too fast for its own good. The special effects are fine, but we all know that special effects don’t make the movie.  Okay, Hollywood, please stop churning out unnecessary remakes. If you can’t find an original idea in your heads, go out and pay for one from somebody else. This regurgitation @#%$ is getting old and you’re doing it badly (with the exception of a zombie movie, most of the Hollywood remakes of recent memory have been extremely tepid).  Woodchuck sez, "Skip it."

Eye Candy #458 - "Trekkies"

Trekkies: I’ve heard about this documentary for a great long while, but have never brought myself to actually rent it. Growing up in the household I did, my dad usually had control of what was shown on the TV most of the time, which meant my brothers and I grew up watching reruns of “Hill Street Blues”, “The Equalizer”, football, war movies, and the occasional re-run of “Star Trek”. My dad was a huge Star Trek fan. I remember one Halloween my brothers and I dressing up as Kirk, Bones, and Spock (though I remember my Spock ears being particularly lame in retrospect). It was also about the same time the first movie came out. It was a big deal in my house when “Star Trek The Next Generation” started (it’s the only TV show I can remember my mother being excited was premiering, since she is not a TV person). All that is to say, I know Star Trek.  ‘Trekkies’ takes a close look at Star Trek fans, conventions, their habits and idiosyncra-cies, and how the various stars of Star Trek deal with that kind of fame. These fans of Star Trek are MUCH more extreme in their devotion to the show, whether it be the 14-year-old kid obsessed with Star Trek uniforms, the people dressed up as Klingons ordering fast food, or the dentist who owns “Starbase Dental”, these people have an identification with the show much stronger than any I have. Seriously. And sure, there are a percentage of people who are obviously not socially well-adjusted, but there are others who just enjoy it for the fun of it.  We’ve got most of the original cast participating (William Shatner is featured in footage but has no direct interviews), but Koenig, Nimoy, Kelley, Nichols, Doohan, and Takei are present, as well as actors from the newer generation of shows (no Patrick Stewart or most of the DS9 cast, interestingly enough; it’s too old to feature anyone from “Enterprise”).  Denise Crosby, who didn’t have a career before or after ST:TNG, is the narrator and guide through this particular world of strangeness. Everything is approached with a great deal of humor, and while many of the people are portrayed are extremely strange, they are not insulted or portrayed in an unflattering manner.  An entertaining documentary (I understand there is also a sequel which I will probably check out as well).  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #457 - "The Illusionist"

The Illusionist: The first of two magician-centered pictures that came out in 2006 (the other being “The Prestige”), this movie relies on a similar device (i.e. the reveal in the last five minutes of the film that explains it all), but this film feels more like “The Usual Suspects” than “The Prestige”.  Edward Norton is Eisenheim, an illusionist in Austria at the beginning of the 20th century. Originall a commoner, he uses his performance ability to gain the attention of the crown prince of Austria, Leopold (played by Rufus Sewell). Leopold is engaged to marry Sophie (Jessica Biel, cast very much against type for her), the childhood sweetheart of Eisenheim. Leopold, being a fan of illusionists and magic, employs Chief Inspector Uhl (Paul Giamatti) as his eyes and ears to spy on Eisenheim and learn the secret of his tricks. Uhl himself is something of a magic aficionado.   Eisenheim vows to free Sophie from Leopold, who is notorious as a wife-beater and general lout. Obviously this draws him into conflict with Leopold, during which course Sophie apparently dies. Eisenheim abruptly changes his act, “summoning” spirits on stage to talk about the afterlife, including Sophie, discrediting the royal house, until Eisenheim himself abruptly disappears, leaving Uhl with no successful conclusion to his case. But that isn’t where the film ends, as we are treated to a Keyser Soze-like wrap up where everything we have seen is dissected and put in proper context to explain what really happened to Eisenheim and Sophie.  This movie is definitely watchable. To me, it lacked some of the *oomph* of “The Prestige”, but this film was shooting to be more of a romance than the character study we got with “The Prestige”. I think the actors did well in their roles, particularly Biel who looked like she might be pigeonholed in action/horror movies for the rest of her career.  The director is Neil Burger, someone I’m not altogether familiar with. But seeing as “The Illusionist” is only his second film this is hardly surprising (his first film, “Interview with an Assassin” is now in my Netflix queue).   But all in all, a thoroughly watchable movie.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #456 - "The Descent"

The Descent: Six young women going caving in a here-to-fore unexplored cave system in the Appalachian mountains. One of the group, Sarah, suffered a horrible tragedy, losing both her husband and daughter in a fairly horrific car accident (metal poles being shot through bodies and such), so this trip is a bit of a chick-healing thingee to help her out.  Now some of the group has been caving before, including Juno, the lone American and the one who found the cave system. The problem is Juno lied about which cave system they were in and one cave-in later, the women are trying to find their way out of the cave system to daylight with no hope of rescue since no one knows where they are. But that isn’t their only problem – the cave is populated by albino cave “crawlers”, mutant human-looking creatures with sharp teeth that track by sound like bats. So now the ladies have to get out of the cave system while avoiding creatures that want to kill and eat them. Mayhem ensues.  The main reason I wanted to see the movie is the concept: I read a book several years back called “The Descent” by Jeff Long, about the world discovering huge underground cave systems populated by albino humanoids that gave rise to the ideas of devils and demons from the netherworld. The creatures had cities and established cultures, and lived sometimes dozens of miles beneath the earth. They also kidnapped ordinary humans to increase their own population. It’s a fairly expansive book, part sci-fi, part horror (and an excellent read, by the by), and from looking at the previews and now watching the film, it does share some similarities with it (specifically the albino “crawlers” that attack people and the title). The movie however lacks the scope that the book had (there is nothing global about the story of six woman cavers, obviously), and that was a bit of a letdown, mostly because I would like to see someone have a go at the story of the novel. Truth be told, I have no idea if the Long book was even used as a source for the script, but the similarities are there and they are close and if I was Long, I’d probably be calling my lawyers.  The film is well-made, the cast does well, and the action moves along briskly. In fact, as a horror movie it’s just fine, probably better than average. It was also directed by Neil Marshall, who directed one of my other favorite horror movies, “Dog Soldiers” (and though I bought that one, I won’t be buying this one). It did seem to lack the sense of humor that “Dog Soldiers” had, but maybe no one can make a straight werewolf movie, I don’t know.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #455 - "Red"

Red:  Based loosely on the comic book miniseries of the same name (“loosely“ as in “one last name and the color of the title“), “Red” is a baby boomer’s action wet dream.  Bruce Willis is Frank Moses, a retired CIA assassin living out a quiet, empty life of boredom while failing to fit in with “normal society”.  The only enjoyment he has is talking by phone with his pension account clerk who he fancies (Mary-Louise Parker).  However, he finds himself on an assassination list for some old wetwork he did.  Almost immediately he’s on the run (with the clerk in tow) to find out why and to get by with a  little help from his friends, all of whom are old spooks with vary degrees of lethality (played by Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, and an uproarious John Malkovich, who almost steals the movie as a violent paranoid).  Bryan Cox, Rebecca Pidgeon, Karl Urban, Julian McMahon and Richard Dreyfuss are here in support as various shadowy and government types.  Fun, violent (though not terribly gory), with some nice against type performances, particularly from Malkovich and Mirren as ‘action heroes‘.   The cast is obviously having fun.  The script clips right along so that you barely notice its almost 2 hour running time.  And while the violence is deliberately silly, it’s not out of context with the film.  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

Eye Candy #454 - "MacGruber"

MacGruber:   It’s uncommon to find a film that wears the wafer-thin nature of its plot proudly on its sleeve, but for those that doubt, I give you Exhibit A - “MacGruber”.  A “MacGyver” parody some 20 years too late, Will Forte is MacGruber, former SEAL, Green Beret, and Special Forces called out of a ten year retirement to stop the man who murdered his wife, Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer) after Von Cunth steals a nuclear missile.  Hilarity is supposed to ensue.  An SNL skit blown up for the big screen, the jokes more often than not fall flat, the dialogue is dopey and crude as all-get-out,  and it’s all dragged out longer than it deserves to almost 100 minutes, backed by a rocking 80‘s pop-rock score (even Eddie Money!).   The supporting cast includes a handful of WWE wrestlers, almost all of whom acquit themselves better in the all-too-brief screen time they share.  The always lovely Kristen Wiig is here, too, and the script gives her some funny bits but not enough to carry the film.  But MacGruber is the real problem with “MacGruber” - he’s just not that appealing of a character.  He’s a macho, mean-spirited idiot that lacks any real charm.   I had high-ish hopes for “MacGruber” and I was soundly disappointed.  Woodchuck sez, “Meh.”

Eye Candy #453 - "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1978)

Invasion of the Body Snatchers:  A remake of the fantastic original, moved to San Francisco (you think they would pick a place less iconoclastic than San Fran to have the pod people take over), with otherworldly gelatinous beings taking over the human population.  Donald Sutherland is Mathew Bennell, a city health inspector, who is friends with Elizabeth Driscoll (Brooke Adams), and soon they find themselves as some of the few humans aware of the ensuing takeover.  Jeff Goldblum, Veronica Cartwright, and Leonard Nimoy are here in support.  Suitably creepy and bleak, this film has aged surprisingly well and is still potent (hands down better than the recent “The Invasion“, too).  The special effects are more graphic (here you get to see in detail the pod people replacing you in detail), with some incidental nudity from Ms. Adams.  Good stuff here.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #452 - "Night Moves"

Night Moves:  A dated mystery directed by Arthur Penn from the mid-1970s, with Gene Hackman as ex-football player and sometime private detective Harry Moseby, hired to bring back a young girl (Melanie Griffith, at her bratty best) from Florida for a rich Hollywood type.  This brings Mosely in contact with various film people, primarily stunt people, and his runaway teen case turns into something else altogether.  Very low-key, full of hokey dialogue (people just don’t talk like people do in this film), with Mosely about the slowest detective out there (the audience figures out everything isn’t as it appears long before Mosely does) who stumbles into developments rather than sleuthing them out.  Fine for what it is, but hasn’t aged well at all.  Nary a likable person in the entire script.  Woodchuck sez, “Just okay.”

Eye Candy #451 - "The Specials"

The Specials:  Cut from the same cloth as the very similar “Mystery Men”, this tries to play it more straight with the idea of C-list superheroes in contemporary America.  Shot as a pseudo-documentary, we meet The Specials, a group of wannabe first stringers like the Weevil and Dr. Smart, and are exposed to their interpersonal trials and travails as they are one big dysfunctional family.  An okay cast here, with Jamie Kennedy as Amok, Rob Lowe as the aforementioned Weevil, and Thomas Haden Church as the Strobe.  Judy Greer and Jordan Ladd are also here.  We even get Jenna (The Office) Fischer in a small cameo.  For a light-hearted look, there are very few laughs to go around here and most of the characters are painted in very, very broad strokes.  Director Craig Mazin went on to give us the ridiculously bad “Superhero Movie” the better part of a decade later.  Fine, but nothing remarkable.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #450 - "The Town"

The Town:  While this movie strives to be just like “Heat”, it ends up a lot more like “Warmth”, as it doesn’t quite reach the heights it is shooting for.  Ben Affleck directs and stars in this story of 4 Irish-American bank robbers from the Charlestown neighborhood of Boston who find themselves under the microscope of the FBI after their most recent robbery.  Doug Macray (Affleck) is the brains of the operation, while Jimmy Coughlin (Jeremy Renner) is his childhood friend with a wide violent streak.  Born and raised in a culture of crime and violence, they take a bank manager hostage during their robbery (Rebecca Hall) that Macray begins to romance, driving a wedge between the friends, as they continue to pull riskier and riskier jobs, culminating in a heist at Fenway Park.  Jon Hamm, Blake Lively, Chris Cooper, and Pete Postlethwaite are here in support.  The plot is okay, nothing new on the table, but it is executed cleanly.  Most of the characters are underdeveloped (outside of Renner, Hall, Affleck, and Hamm, you know next to nothing about anyone else) and some of the dialogue is bit trite.  The action set pieces are a highlight, including the Fenway heist and a high-speed chase involving a mini-van winding through the narrow streets of north Boston, with the crew dressed as nuns running and gunning with the cops.  Not as good as Affleck’s first directorial effort, “Gone Baby Gone”, but that can be attributed to the strength of the source material.  A tad overlong, but enjoyable.  Woodchuck sez, “Good, but not exceptional.”