Eye Candy #576 - "Stake Land"

Stake Land:  This independent production feels like a cross between “The Road” and “I Am Legend”.  After an epidemic causes people around the world to turn into vampires (and we‘re talking feral, bloodthirsty monsters here, not sexy, effete pale Europeans), a teenage boy’s family is attacked and killed by one of the beasts and he is taken under the wing of a vampire hunter named “Mister” (played by Nick Damici, who, up to this point, has been mostly a small bit-part character actor).  They travel cross-country, from south to north seeking “New Eden“, because the vampires dislike cold weather.  They hunt vampires along the way when they encounter them, but their largest source of trouble comes not from vampires, but from the Brotherhood, a quasi-religious gang of normal humans who believe that the epidemic is God’s work, so they kidnap others, deliberately turning them into vampires to be used as weapons.   The Brotherhood is led by the twisted Jebedia Loven (played by “Fringe’s” Michael Cerveris).  They also encounter other regular folks on the road, including a nun who is almost raped (played by a very old looking Kelly McGillis) and a young pregnant woman who joins them on the road.  Damici is solid as “Mister”, as is Connor Paolo as Martin, the teenager who comes under the tutelage of Mister.  Only the second feature from director Jim Mickle, this film is appropriately grim and somber, and looks good and flows well (it introduces more problems than it solves, but that‘s most films for you).  Rented this on a whim and wasn’t disappointed.   Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #575 - "The Muppets" (2011)

The Muppets:  I’m a Muppets fan from way back and a HUGE fan of the original movie (which I would still argue isn’t a kid’s movie at all), but I had some trepidation watching this latest film, mostly because I haven’t seen a good Muppets film in years.  Jason Segal of “How I Met Your Mother” fame wrote this one, and it harkens back to old school Muppet silliness, complete with dancing, singing, witty banter, and bad jokes.  Segal also stars in the lead as Gary, with Amy Adams as his girlfriend Mary.  Gary, Mary, and Walter, Gary’s puppet brother, take a trip to Los Angeles to see the sights and sounds, including Muppet Studios.  But upon arrival, they find it closed, dilapidated, and slated from demolition by an evil oil man (played by a very hammy Chris Cooper, who even gets to rap a song).  So it’s up to Walter, Gary, and Mary to get the Muppets back together to raise $10 million to save their studio (and they throw a celebrity telethon to do it).  Disarming, cute, with film in-references, some good songs (Bret McKenzie of “Flight of the Conchords” was the music supervisor; director James Bobin is another FotC alum), various celebrity cameos (though not nearly as many as in the original), and a big heart beating away in the face of the fairly rampant cynicism of today’s society, this is a strong entry into the franchise and a big, sloppy love letter to the TV show (there are references to several notable skits from the old TV show, including “Mana Mana”).  However, I don’t think it’s as good as the first “Muppet Movie” for sheer laughs.  The only thing I really missed were some of the old voices - Frank Oz, who was Ms. Piggy and Fozzie, is nowhere to be found (there are only 2 or 3 of the old guard left here).  Still a good movie worth seeing.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #574 - "Red State"

Red State:  I know this is being marketed as a supernatural horror movie, but it’s most certainly not.  It’s more a strange black comedy about religious extemism, government bureaucracy, inaction and overreaction, with nary a wit of supernatural anything to behold.  This is the most recent offering from director Kevin Smith and feels very much like his previous “Dogma“ in some respects, particularly its heavy-handedness in its depiction of religion. Three high school boys set up an sexual assignation with a woman over the internet (Oscar winner Melissa Leo), yet when they arrive, they soon find themselves captives of a fringe church led by pastor Abin Cooper (Michael Parks) and his extended family (a la Fred Phelps) of religious gun nuts who are against a whole litany of “sinners”.  This draws out the involvement of the local ATF field office led by Agent Keenan (played by John Goodman).  Bullets fly as general chaos and mayhem ensues, peppered sporadically with extended dialogue sequences.  Gory, sure (lots of head shots and upper body shots; no one gets shot in the leg here), but hardly horrific.  Also low on insight, high on the absurd, and most of the characters are underdeveloped caricatures.   I enjoyed it for the comedic aspect and I think Parks and Goodman are great, but this is hardly Smith’s best outing thus far.  It almost feels like more of a Tarantino flick.  Woodchuck sez, “Not for all tastes.”

Eye Candy #573 - "Little Big Soldier"

Little Big Soldier:  The most recent effort from Jackie Chan, this film has apparently been in production for the better part of 20 years (something about Chan wanting to film an action comedy in a historical setting…even though this is something he has done numerous times and with better effect in films like “Project A“).  Chan is the “big soldier” of the title, a deserter with a strong preservation streak that kidnaps an enemy general and heads home to the kingdom of Liang to ransom so he can buy a farm and settle down.  The near-constant of inter-state warfare has kept “big soldier” in the field for years and years.  Wearying of war, the ransom is his way of getting a military exemption.  However, the general isn’t going to go quietly.  Kind of a strange little film - the comedy is fast and furious in the first half of the film, but the second half of the film is almost exclusively dark and violent, as if the creators felt that they had to shoehorn something deep and meaningful before the ending, which is certainly somber.  There are some good action bits here, though not as many as in some of his previous films.  An average effort from Mr. Chan.  Woodchuck sez, “For fans.  Others may be bored.”

Eye Candy #572 - "The Three Musketeers" (2011)

The Three Musketeers (2011):   To say that this film plays fast and loose with the source material is like saying the Pope is just a wee bit Catholic - gross understatement.  Director Paul W.S. Anderson (some of his work I dearly love, like “Event Horizon”) steps away from the “Resident Evil” franchise to direct this revisionist-steampunkish version of the French classic, complete with dueling airships, wirework, and slo-mo special effects as Porthos (Ray Stevenson), Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans) and D’artagnan (Logan Lerman) fight against the forces of the sort-of-evil Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz), his henchman Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen), the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom), and the Lady de Winter (Milla Jovovich, Anderson’s wife and star of his “Resident Evil” flicks).  Nary a Frenchman to be found in the cast.  The character names are the same, as are some of the personality traits, but this has just the barest resemblance to the plot of the original.  The dialogue is ATROCIOUS (I‘m fairly certain that even in a movie as anachronistic as this, Richelieu is not going to say “yup“ when asked a question), ridden with clichés (Buckingham speaks nothing but).  The musketeers themselves are good, but Walz is slumming here (and looking very bored in the process), Bloom is over-acting his rear off, Mikkelsen phones it in, and Jovovich seems wildly out-of-place.  The film plays for laughs that aren’t there, with a goofy subplot about King Louis XIV seeking relationship advice from D’artagnan (Freddie Fox plays Louis, and he is one of the bright spots in the film, even if his Louis is a wild caricature).  Watchable, but mindless and generally disappointing.  Woodchuck sez, “You’ve been warned.”