Eye Candy #487 - "Cropsey"

Cropsey: This interesting little documentary explores the connection/relationship between the urban legend of Staten Island-based boogeyman “Cropsey” (the origins of the name have been lost to history), and the real disappearance of children from Staten Island during the 1970’s and 80’s, focusing on the person who may or may not be the killer, Andre Rand.   The problem with Rand is that there is no physical evidence to connect him to any of the at least 4 disappearances. but the will of the surrounding community to make him the perp has pushed for his conviction, including some members quite blatantly lying on the stand just because “he looks like that kind of guy“, career drunks and druggies pointing Rand out on the stand years after the fact, that sort of thing.   So the lynch mob mentality is in full effect.  The film also examines the Willowbrook State School, an institution for mentally handicapped children that operated from the 1930’s to the 1980’s where Rand was also a patient, that was infamous for overcrowding, deplorable inhumane conditions, and patient abuse.  The Willowbrook School has fallen partly into ruin and may have served as the site for some of the abductions and is showcased extensively in the film.  Eerie part-mystery, part-hunt for a serial killer (only one body was ever recovered of the missing children), this film managed to sustain my interest from start to finish.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.” 

Eye Candy #486 - "Get Him to the Greek"

Get Him to the Greek:  Here is a film that can’t decide what it wants to be, whether it be a wildly raunchy comedy (songs about genitals abound) or a feel-good  rumination on what makes us truly happy.  Russell Brand reprises his role as English rock star Aldous Snow (from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”, though at times he seems to be similar in name only), brought back to do a anniversary concert at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles.  Jonah Hill plays a record company peon, Aaron, who is tasked with getting the debauched Snow from London to Los Angeles for the concert.  Hijinks, unsurprisingly, ensue, involving drinking, drugs, clubbing, groupies, more drugs, threesomes, and a very funny Sean Combs as Aaron’s boss (he arguably has some of the funniest scenes in the film).  Rose Byrne, Elizabeth Moss, Colm Meaney, and a host of celebrities playing themselves are here in support.  The film is uneven, swinging from raucous comedy bits (particularly a brawl at a Vegas strip club) to bits of jarring humanity (when Aldous encounters his failures as a father, lover, and son).  But it doesn’t commit to either, so it doesn’t do either well.  Sure, there were parts I laughed in, but I found Aaron’s scenes talking about what Snow should do with his life, as you watch Aaron cave in to Snow’s peer pressure the entire picture (including being a drug mule) and you can’t help wonder that if the creators of the film wanted to drive that point home, they wouldn’t have the voice of point be the character who deviates vigorously from it for over 90 minutes.   Has some good moments, but isn’t a great picture. Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look, but be warned - it is raunchy.”

Eye Candy #485 - "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1"

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1:  Having read the book, I knew what to expect going in.  Like the novel, the film drops you right into the thick of things as Harry and his friends and allies are on the run from Voldemort and his cronies, and the body count continues to climb.  This part of the story focuses almost exclusively on Harry, Hermione, and Ron, many of the supporting characters relegated to glorified seconds-long cameos.  It’s also a much darker film, with the Death Eaters taking over the Ministry of Magic, turning it into a quasi-fascist, racist organization, while Harry continues his pursuits of the artifacts that will lead to the destruction of Voldemort, possibly at the expense of his friendship with Ron and Hermione.  So we’re not talking light children’s fare here (also, we get some weird implied nudity and a big scary snake).  All that being said, it is a well-crafted movie, this the third Potter flick from director Peter Yates.  The acting is good, with Emma Watson as a standout.  And apparently every British character actor under the sun is going to be crammed in the last two parts, with Rhys Ifans, Bill Nighy, Peter Mullan, and David O’Hara here this go-round.  But dramatically, it can’t help but be a letdown - it’s a movie without a climax or a conclusion.  Granted, there is a lot of ground to cover in the last book, but that doesn’t mean you can’t craft a dramatic arc.  And neophytes to the series beware - the film doesn't offer any opportunities for you to catch up.  It’s a good film, but not a great one, aimed squarely at veteran fans of the HP juggernaut.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #484 - "Until the Light Takes Us"

Until the Light Takes Us:  Filmed in the early 2000’s, but not released until 2009, this documentary charts the early years and peak of Norwegian black metal as a genre and its surrounding controversy, as well as several of its “luminaries”.  The film focuses on Gylve “Fenriz” Nagell of Darkthrone and Varg “Count Grishnakh” Vikernes of Burzum and Mayhem.  Vikernes is most notable for serving time in prison for murdering his bandmate Oysten “Euronymous” Aarseth in 1993, as well as a spate of church burnings around the same time.   Aarseth himself was rumored to have made a stew out of the brains another bandmate who committed suicide.   Obviously, this is not your father’s rock-and-roll.  The problems of the film are several - 1.) for a music documentary, there is very little Norwegian black metal in it.  There are snippets here and there, but most of the music is the incidental (and very annoying) electronic score; 2.) it lacks energy.  It plods along for 93 minutes, the least energetic movie about heavy metal you have ever seen; and 3.) the people it showcases aren’t all that remarkable, as musicians or functioning members of society.    There is some uncomfortable hero worship going on, particularly when one of the objects of veneration, Varg, is vocal anti semite aligned with the White power movement (it stems from the fact that he violently reacts to Judeo-Christianity co-opting paganism for its own ends, which it did), not to mention a convicted murdered who stabbed his victim 23 times.  Sure, Varg is well-spoken, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is bat crap crazy.  And it delves only briefly with the evolution of the genre, from misplaced nationalism and the loss of cultural identity on the “mean streets” of Oslo (yes, I‘m being facetious), and their eventual slide into full-on cult/kitsch status.  This could have been better.   Woodchuck sez, “Needs more music.”

Eye Candy #483 - "Jonah Hex"

Jonah Hex:  It’s an interesting contrast to see how well Warner Bros. took one of its little-known comic book properties (“Red”), expanded it somewhat,  and made an entertaining film out of it, and then how they took this comic property (with a longer history) and totally screwed the pooch.  This is a loud, gimmicky mish-mash of ideas, only the barest handful of which are related to the original property.  It’s “Crank” with spurs, which shouldn’t come as a surprise considering this was written by Messrs. Neveldine and Taylor, who gave us both “Crank” films.  The film leads off with gatling guns strapped to the sides of horses, for Pete‘s sake.  If the western and steampunk genres had a torrid tequila-fueled night together, “Jonah Hex” would more than likely be their ridiculous spawn.  Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) is a former Confederate soldier and current bounty hunter, notable for the horrible scarring on his face (the origin of which is changed in the film) and his ability to talk to the dead (something he’s never done in the comic book).  He is “drafted” into service by the military in post-civil war America to hunt down the man responsible for his scarification, Quentin Turnbull (portrayed by John Malkovich), who got his hands on a chemical “super weapon” designed by Eli “Cotton Gin” Whitney that he aims to use to overthrow the government.  Megan Fox co-stars (barely) as prostitute Lilah, Hex‘ ‘love interest‘.  I’m trying to figure out how so many “name” actors got in this picture: Malkovich, Brolin, Michael Fassbender, Aidan Quinn, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Michael Shannon, Lance Reddick, Wes Bentley.  Didn’t any of you read the script?  This is a talent pool deserving of a better film.  This is also about as far removed from director Jimmy Hayward’s previous directing effort, “Horton Hears a Who”, as can be (its lack of success is also in contrast to “Horton”).  Loud, dumb, and goofy.  I also could have done without the fairly monotonous score by heavy metal group Mastodon.  Woodchuck sez, “At least it’s short.”

Eye Candy #482 - "Solomon Kane"

Solomon Kane:  This modestly-budgeted picture is based on the Robert E. Howard character of the same name, the Puritan adventurer fighting evil and the supernatural across Europe and Africa.  This film plays as more of a prequel, showing the journey of Kane (played by James Purefoy of “Rome“ fame) from English privateer on the run from Death itself to religious warrior, and ends at roughly where Howard’s stories begin.   Purefoy is good (Kane is a bit wooden emotionally in the stories, so it’s appropriate here; he‘s even more aloof in the stories) and he does add shades to the character that you don’t get from the various Kane stories.  Jason Flemying, Pete Postelthwaite, Max von Sydow, Rachel Hurd-Wood and Alice Krige co-star.  It’s fine for a middle-of-the-road action film with fantasy elements, but the plot is extremely derivative (one of the subplots has been used in every Robin Hood film made in the last 30 years - wayward son helps reclaim usurped family home).  The special effects are fine.  Not bad, but also not remarkable in any way.  Supposed to be the first of a trilogy.  No North American release for this one yet.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #481 - "Centurion"

Centurion:  The latest offering from director Neil Marshall (“Dog Soldiers”, “The Descent”), this film is about the Roman Ninth Legion and their mysterious “disappearance” in 2nd century Britain while fighting against the Picts (some say “disappearance”, others say annihilation).  Very much in the same vein as “King Arthur” from several years back, with shades of “Gladiator” thrown in as well, this is basically a violent, gory chase picture, as the survivors of the Ninth Legion attempt to save their general and flee to safety behind Hadrian‘s Wall, all while avoiding the Pict soldiers that are chasing after them.  Lots of familiar faces here - Michael Fassbender in the lead, Dominic West, Liam Cunningham (a Marshall alum), David Morrissey, Noel Clarke, to name a few.  It’s a good cast. And when I say ‘gory’, I mean it - beheadings, throats slit, axes to the forehead, spears to the chest, death by tree, arrows to the face, all manner of pleasantness.   Blood positively explodes out of people.   Not high art, fairly mindless, but entertaining for what it is.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #480 - "Toy Story 3"

Toy Story 3:  The really great thing about a Pixar movie is that they continue to improve on so many different levels, you never have to worry about quality. You know you’re always getting a great picture, which is as close to a sure thing that you can get at the theater.  The third “Toy Story” film follows the inexorable aging of Andy and his impending departure for college.  Not wanting to be relegated to the garbage dump, the toys connive their way into being donated to a children’s daycare center.  But life at the daycare center is not all it’s cracked up to be, as a clique of older toys prevents any toys from leaving, led by the strawberry-scented Lotso Hugs Bear (think Care Bear here).  The animation here is just fantastic, leaps and bounds ahead of the previous two installments, with an absurd level of detail (for example, Buzz‘ Spanish dance is, simply, just great).  Some great new voice talents this time around, including Kristen Schaal, Ned Beatty, Jeff  Garlin, and Timothy Dalton (!).  But the real standout is Michael Keaton as Ken of “Barbie &“ fame who is a hoot (between this and “The Good Guys“, Keaton is on a roll).  And while the first two films dealt with “growing up”, this is the first film to deal with leaving childhood behind in a definitive way (such as Andy going off to college).  This is a very, very entertaining film, can find no fault here. Woodchuck sez, “Absolutely check this out.”

Eye Candy #479 - "Gor"

Gor:  A prime example of the low-budget macho male escapist fantasy action films that populated the 1980’s after the success of the superior “Conan the Barbarian”, replete with scantily clad women and swords.  “Ator the Fighting Eagle” and ”The Sword and the Sorcerer” are also solid examples of the sub-genre.  Don’t get me wrong - I love some of these movies, like “Krull” and “Beastmaster”, but it’s not unfair to say that most of them were pretty terrible.  This one is based on the Gor novels of John Norman, focusing on the (mis)adventures of Tarl Cabot, a contemporary American who finds himself transported to Gor (a la John Carter), where he runs afoul of Sarm (played by Oliver Reed in a really ridiculous helmet and over-acting his rear off).  Ending up with some of the local inhabitants, they bring Cabot along though he appears to be almost completely inept and anything he accomplishes is in spite of himself, rather than because of himself.  Paul L. (Bluto) Smith co-stars, as does Playboy Playmate Rebecca Ferratti, playing the part of the sexually-objectified woman sidekick.  Third-billed Jack Palance appears in all of 5 minutes of the film as a set-up for its sequel.  Overdubbing, bad acting, and positively sedentary action scenes abound.  Nothing redeeming here, whatsoever.  Woodchuck sez, “Avoid!”

Eye Candy #478 - "Fritz the Cat"

Fritz the Cat:  It is debatable whether or not a movie like “Fritz the Cat” would receive a theatrical release if it was made in this day and age.  It’s graphically sexually, sexist, full of stereotypes (some of them racist; Black people are portrayed as crows, for example).  There is just way too much there to offend in these, our easily offended times.  Based on the comic strip by Robert Crumb, “Fritz the Cat” is one of the first full-length films by director and animator Ralph Bakshi (who gave us the superior “Lord of the Rings“ animated film several years later).  Fritz is an aimless young cat in New York and America of the 1960’s, looking for sexual and personal fulfillment and encountering all sorts of folks along the way, including militants, “pigs” (cops portrayed as pigs), sexual promiscuous young women, with a focus on the political left.   Some would argue that this film has aged well.  I would not be one of those people - it feels and plays like very dated material.  Not nearly as risqué today as it was 30 years ago and animation has clearly advanced since then.  Woodchuck sez, “Good as a curio, and that’s about it.”