Eye Candy #536 - "Priest" (2011)

Priest:  The second actor Paul Bettany-director Scott Stewart collaboration (after the mildly disappointing “Legion”), this vampire-western is a post-apocalyptic horror tale involving humanity’s war against vampires based on the Korean comic of the same name.  In the future, humanity is forced behind crowded, polluted city walls under the protection of the Catholic Church, who create human warriors called ‘priests’ to tackle the vampire threat.  After the end of the war, the priests are marginalized by their superiors who grew fearful of their influence.   After a vampire attack destroys his family, a Priest (Bettany) comes out of his enforced retirement to track down those responsible and rescue his niece Lucy (Lily Collins) who was taken hostage.   Along the way, his disillusionment with his superiors grows, as they refuse to believe a vampire menace still exists.  Priest is joined in his mission by a local sheriff (Cam Gigandet) and another Priestess (Maggie Q).  However, they are up against enemies beyond their experience, led by Black Hat (played by Karl Urban).  Christopher Plummer, Brad Dourif, and Stephen Moyer are here in support.  This is a better effort than “Legion”, but still not great filmmaking.  The special effects are routinely good (these are not sexy pre-born again Anne Rice vampires to look at, they are all-CGI blind albino cave-dwellers with sharp pointy teeth).  There are a number of “gotcha” moments in it, which I expect from any decent horror movie.  It was fun for what it was, but won’t win any awards.  And at a brisk 87 minutes, it doesn’t overstay its welcome.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #535 - "Vanishing on 7th Street"

Vanishing on 7th Street:  A post-apocalyptic horror film where the population of Detroit disappears in a blackout (though it appears to happen everywhere), leaving behind all their belongings and clothes.  A small group of survivors are now trying to stave off the encroachment of shadowy creatures attempting to take them as well.   The shadows can extinguish artificial light, such as flashlights, ceiling lights, and headlights, with ease.  They also have the ability to generate hallucinations and “fake light”.   Daylight is also getting more scarce as days are getting shorter.   The survivors (played by Hayden Christesen, Thandie Newton, John Leguizamo, and Jacob Latimore) all find themselves at the same bar, which still has power because of a gas-powered generator in the basement, surrounded by the shadows.  They struggle to survive the evening.    Not a whole lot of ‘splaining going on here (there are references to the lost colony of Roanoke and ‘Croatoan’, but no real connection is made between it and the plot), with no real explanation of what happened or what the shadow creatures really are (ghosts, souls, who knows?  But they are malevolent).   Also, the characters appear to miss out on obvious sources of light (they light one torch in the entire film, when they should be lighting fires all over the place).  And for a horror movie, we only get a handful of “gotcha” moments, when the potential was so much greater (they do have a good time with shadows in the movie, though).  I first saw this film advertised in theaters not all that long ago.  Don’t know why it came out on DVD and streaming first.   This was directed by Brad Anderson, who gave us the recent “Transsiberian” and “The Machinist”. Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look, but could have been so much better.”

Eye Candy #534 - "Legacy of Rage"

Legacy of Rage:  The late Brandon Lee’s first starring role is a straight-up mid 1980’s  Hong Kong action flick in the same vein as “The Killer”, the “Better Tomorrow” flicks, with many of the same devices - two-handed gun-fu, some minor martial artistry, unlikely friendships, triads in lousy suits, betrayal, vengeance, incompetent women characters.  The difference being that this film is INCREDIBLY STUPID to boot.  Master Lee is Brandon Ma, a regular schlub with a girlfriend named May and whose greatest ambition is to own a motorcycle.  His best friend Michael happens to be a psychopathic drug dealer who frames Brandon for murder, sending him to prison.  Meanwhile, May, pregnant with Brandon’s child, flees to Brazil after Michael tries to rape her.  8 years later, Brandon leaves prison and tries to pick up the pieces of his life and move on.  Unfortunately, May reinserts herself back in his life with Brandon‘s child, as does Michael, and it all ends in a hail of bullets.  Brandon is dubbed over for the length of the movie, though it is not uncommon for his mouth to move onscreen with no dubbing to be heard.  At least we are spared the agony of listening to him speak.    Every Asian action cliché is trooped out and crapped upon by a plot that doesn’t know when to quit and is almost criminally dumb (as are many of the characters).  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #533 - "The Green Hornet"

The Green Hornet:  Taking a fairly venerable property like the Green Hornet (he’s been around since the 1930’s in one media form or another) and “re-imagining” it to present day, even though the character is less known now with the general public, more often than not, ends up a giant poo-fest.  “The Green Hornet” is more this sort of re-imagining than not.  This revamp has been in development since the 1990‘s at least and with good reason.  Seth Rogen is Britt Reid, rich playboy wastrel whose father runs a newspaper in Los Angeles.  His father dies unexpectedly, leaving Britt his newspaper.  Britt also meets his father’s mechanic Kato (Jay Shou), wiz-kid designer and martial artist, and Britt concocts the idea that they should fight crime by pretending to be bad guys to get closer to the real bad guys, in this case played by Christoph Waltz as Chudnofsky.  Gratuitous fights, car chases, and indiscriminate violence ensues.  Cameron Diaz and Edward James Olmos are here in support.  The film has several problems: 1.) it’s just not that exciting; 2.) the main character is pretty much a giant, self-interested louse for the bulk of the movie, making him hard to root for (selfish rich louts are not an incredibly sympathetic stereotype), nor is the movie viewing public at large going to easily accept Rogen as “action hero“ given his past work (here, they take his strength - he‘s a comedian - and make sure he has as few yucks as possible, which is particularly sad as Rogen wrote the screenplay); 3.) the supporting cast is mostly wasted.  On the bright side, Waltz is more entertaining than either of the leads, even though he’s a better actor than this script deserves and burns through a big chunk of his post-Oscar goodwill in the process.  But there is nothing remarkable about the picture.  Another disappointment from director Michel Gondry.  He’s turning into a bit of a one-hit wonder (“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”).  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #532 - "Black Death"

Black Death:  Billed as a “horror actioner”, this film is marginal on both counts.  While there are flashes of both genres, you’d be hard-pressed to call it one or the other successfully.    Set in England during the first outbreak of bubonic plague, a young monk, Osmund (Eddie Redmayne) volunteers to accompany a bishop’s envoy (Sean Bean) and group of swordsmen to find a town that is rumored to be untouched by the plague.  It is said that a necromancer lives there who can raise the dead and his powers keep the village disease-free.    Once there, they are to find the necromancer and bring him back in chains (specifically a torture device they are bringing along for that purpose) for judgment.  However, the journey to the village, located in a marsh, isn’t a simple one and they have various encounters along the way.  Once they arrive, the village is more than a little “Wicker Man”-ish.  A local woman, Langiva (Carice van Houten), tends to their wounds, but is more than she appears.  Then things go all pear-shaped and the emoting kicks into high gear.  David Warner and Tim McInnerny are here in support.  The problem with the film is that it expects you to understand the historical context of what is happening without providing any explanations.  For example, the swordsmen encounter a group of flagellants but no one even mentions who they are.   So they were important to include visually,  but not worth one word of explanation?   This is a lesser effort from director Christopher Smith, who also gave us the better films “Triangle” and “Severance”.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #531 - "Thor"

Thor:  This is the latest offering from Marvel Studios in their now full-on drive for an “Avengers” movie.  From the outset, “Thor” is easily the most daunting of the Marvel properties to convert to film.  Its story is steeped in Norse mythology, weird monsters like giants, elves, and trolls, and stilted language full of ‘thees’ and ‘thines’.  So it’s probably just as well that they didn’t play it completely straight and jettisoned some of the back-story here to streamline it for unfamiliar audiences.  The result may not seem overly familiar to fans of the comic property.  The set-up: Earth is one of 9 connected worlds (actual physical worlds).  One of these worlds is Asgard, populated by a race of superhumans that have been beneficent to humans in the past and live in a society where magic and technology work together.  Other worlds are populated by violent creatures like Frost Giants and the like.  The leader of the Asgardians is Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and he has two sons Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston).  Thor is violent, brash, and arrogant, while Loki is quiet, contemplative, and scheming.  Due to his own actions, Thor is banished to Earth, where he encounters two research scientists studying odd weather patterns in New Mexico, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and Eric Solveg (Stellan Skarsgard).  SHIELD also takes notice of Thor’s arrival as well.  During his absence, Loki schemes to ascend to the throne, while Thor learns humility, compassion, and selflessness while amongst the humans.  The supporting cast is quite deep, including Idris Elba, Rene Russo, Colm Feore (unrecognizable under heavy make-up), and Ray Stevenson.  Director Kenneth Branagh seemed an odd choice when first announced as the director.  However, he does have some advantages:  1.) talent flocks to him just because of his name; and 2.) he does a good job here tapping into this Shakespeare roots, using familiar tropes from “King Lear” to move the relationship between Odin, Thor, and Loki along.  It’s not an over-complicated story arc – two sons vying in different ways for their father’s affection.  And when it gets slow, they inject some necessary humor into the situation.  I worry that they almost play it too goofy, but there is so much about the film that is goofy, not the least of which is the overall set-up, that it’s probably best not to think too hard about it.  The acting is good with Skarsgard, Hiddleston, and Portman as the stand-outs.  But the best Marvel movie so far?  Meh.  I like others more for different reasons (like “Spider-man 2” and the first “Iron Man” movie), but it’s still very watchable and it sells what should be the hardest sell of the bunch.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #530 - "Rapid Fire"

Rapid Fire:  One of the handful movies Brandon Lee made (this was post-“Showdown in Little Tokyo”, which as you may remember, was dreadful, and pre-“The Crow”).  Brandon Lee is Jake Lo, whose father was killed in Tiananmen Square, making him bitter towards government and authority figures in general.  Now in Los Angeles, he witnesses a murder between feuding drug lords (one Italian, one a Triad) and gets a clear view of the shooter, mafia boss Antonio Serrano (Nick Mancuso).  Serrano is intent on violently muscling on the heroin trade of Kinman Tao (Tzi Ma).  Lo becomes the star witness and is brought to Chicago to testify under FBI protection (because apparently it’s cheaper to film there than in L.A.).   However, the FBI is compromised by dirty agents out to kill Lo.  Lo then grudgingly hooks up with a group of Chicago cops led by Lieutenant Mace Ryan (Powers Boothe) to take down Serrano, so they can catch the bigger fish in Tao.  Brandon Lee plays Lo like a petulant self-centered child, scowling his way through the ¾ of the film like he’s 12, playing the standard “young man with chip on his shoulder”.  Many of Hollywood’s Asian character actors are here, including Tzi Ma, Michael Paul Chan, Francois Chau, Gerald Okamura, and the immortal, mustachioed Al Leong.  Nick Mancuso appears to be channeling both Big Boy Caprice and young Mickey Rourke as he energetically chews the scenery as Serrano.  Director Dwight Little has a long and undistinguished career in film, providing us such unnecessary sequels as “Free Willy 2” and “Anaconda 2”.  This film fits into that same vein of unremarkable film-making.  It’s better than “Showdown”, but still a fairly lousy movie.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #529 - "Hanna"

Hanna:  It is extremely difficult to combine art-house and thriller into a single film.   On one hand, you can be wildly self-indulgent artistically (shots that serve nothing but themselves) and on the other, you can abandon all attempts at intelligence so you can stage big explosions.  Directed by Joe Wright and distributed by art house Focus Features, “Hanna” treads the fine line between the two successfully.  Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) is a teenage girl living alone with her father (Eric Bana) in the wilderness near the Arctic Circle.  They have no contact with the outside world, hunt their own food, and practice hand-to-hand combat religiously.  She is also fluent in several languages and has never heard music before in her life.  Then, one day, with all her father’s training, Hanna decides “she’s ready”, activates a beacon, and various spooks coming running, led by Marissa Weigler (Cate Blanchett, sporting an almost cartoonish southern accent).  Apparently Hanna is a lot more than she appears to be and there are various government types gunning for her and her father, all while Hanna is out to revenge herself against the people who killed her mother, a journey which takes her from the Arctic Circle to Morocco, Hamburg, and Berlin.  Tom Hollander is here in support as a very idiosyncratic mercenary (he runs around with skinheads while wearing a white tennis suit, for starters), as well as Jason Flemying and Olivia Williams as two very new-age parents traveling with their children around Morocco in a caravan who befriend Hanna.  Violent without being gory, with some elements of black comedy thrown in as well, “Hanna“ is a fun ride.   Just a touch too long and sure, some of the camerawork is self-indulgent (Wright has a fondness for spinning the perspective around), and the script doesn’t resolve everything it sets up, but it  definitely keeps your attention and is entertaining.  The acting is solid, with Ronan as the stand-out here (she’s probably the best in her generation at picking scripts).  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”