Eye Candy #176 - "The Order" (The Damme #3)

The Order: Or as I like to call it "The Damme Wanted to Vacation in Israel!" A direct-to-video gem from the Damme with way too many "name" actors in it (and by "way too many", I mean...two). The Damme is Rudy, a smuggler of antiquities whose father is kidnapped by a religious cult based in Israel that wants to bring about holy war by destroying the Temple Mount with a whole bunch of Muslims in it. Rudy heads to Israel to save his father, dodges the police as well as gunmen for the sect, and saves the world, all while high-kicking and doing the splits. The two "name" actors in the picture are Ben Cross (who can chew scenery with the best of them) and CHARLTON-BY-GOD-HESTON. If he wasn't already dead, I'd tell him to fire his agent. Charlton Heston appearing in a Van Damme movie is a sign of the coming Apocalypse. Who's next? Jack Lemmon (except he's dead too)? And we also get character actor Bryan Thompson who, has never, not once, EVER played the Good Guy in any film he's been in, based solely on the fact that he's got kind of an odd face. So you know he's the heavy as soon as he comes on the screen (that and he looks kind of silly in a Jesus-sort-of get-up). And I don't understand the need of showing a fight in slo-mo when it's already leaden-paced to begin with. After watching Jet Li, the Damme's fights look a lot like old people with walkers. Really, really terrible. Woodchuck sez, "Exactly what I was expecting."