Eye Candy #104 - "Crank"

Crank: And once again we have Jason Statham playing the part of...Jason Statham. Here he plays a hitman named Chev Chellios who is poisoned by his con freres and only has an hour to live...unless he can keep his body ramped up on adrenaline and endorphins until he can find help. So he drives fast, kills people, fights hand-to-hand, does pot, does coke, does epiphedrine, has sex with his girlfriend in public, steal a police man's motorcycle, falls out of a helicopter, and just generally tries to stir things up while both getting some revenge and keeping himself alive to find an antidote. A movie so dumb it wouldn't know what 'smart' was if you handed it to the directors in a sealed bag. And speaking of directors, this film has two and not an ounce of ingenuity between the two of them. Maybe someone, in the spirit of the poo-tastic "Epic Movie", should make "Jason Statham Movie" for their next go-round. Woodchuck sez, "Avoid like it had cooties."