Eye Candy #4 - "Ninja Assassin"

Ninja Assassin: A hyper-violent love letter to all things ninja, like blending with shadows, throwing shurikens, ninja swords, spewing more blood than the human body could possibly contain, and dying particularly violent deaths. Korean pop star Rain is Raizo, a ninja hunted by his own clan, the Ozunu. He has been hiding out in Berlin, trying to blend in while working against the Ozunu, and Lord Ozunu (Sho Kosugi) and the rest of the clan don’t take kindly to that. Meanwhile, two Europol agents (played by Naomie Harris and “Coupling’s” Ben Miles) stumble upon the existence of the ninja clans (of which there are several), and find their paths inexorably crossing with Raizo’s, as he battles ninja across Berlin. What follows is roughly 90 minutes of silly chop-socky mayhem, gouts of CGI blood (at some points, you’d think it was a fountain), and black pajama good times. There are a few “Oh, come on!” moments, but as long as you keep in mind that it’s a movie about NINJAS, then a bunch of them running down the middle of the street in Berlin, leaping on to and over moving cars will seem like everyday happenstance. Oh, and we get Rick Yune, for when you absolutely need an Asian heavy badly…well, he‘s that bad. Parts of the film are hard to follow because they are shot so dark, it’s damn near murky. Director James McTeigue has said that he drew inspiration from films like “Ninja Scroll” in creating “Ninja Assassin” and after watching it, it does seem awful cartoony. Absolutely nothing to take away from this, though; it is as deep as rain puddle - it might get a little splashy but there‘s really not much there. Woodchuck sez, “Meh.”