Eye Candy #11 - "Shoot 'Em Up"

Shoot ‘Em Up: If John Woo and Jackie Chan had a one-night stand with Guy Ritchie, it is entirely likely that this rubbish would be the offspring of that unholy union. A movie whose mantra is "Never let plot get in the way of a gunfight" gives us some the most ridiculous gun play/action set pieces this side of utter absurdity. My brother didn't make it through the first 15 minutes of the movie. I thought I could stick it out, but it was hard. Clive Owen is Smith, a man who just happens to be in the wrong place at the right time to watch a pregnant woman get hunted down by a bunch of heavies led by Mr. Hertz (Paul Giamatti, strongly in the lead for the Tcheky Karyo Scenery-Chewing Villain of the Year award). He also happens to be anti-violence, anti-child abuse, and an Olympic level pistol shooter. Who knew? So he manages to save the fetus and and then sets out to find out why everyone wants the baby dead, enlisting the aid of a prostitute (Monica Bellucci) along the way. Illogical, incoherent, and insulting, THIS FILM is the reason people don't want to go to the theaters: they are afraid they might actually pay money to see something like this. Hey, Hollywood? If you keep insulting your audience, they WILL find other things to do. Only gave this two stars because they used some classic AC/DC in the soundtrack. Woodchuck sez, "I rented this for a dollar and wanted my money back."