Eye Candy #310 - "Flight of Fury" (SEAGAL! #5)

Flight of Fury:  I don’t expect to find anything particularly good as I make my way through Seagal’s oeuvre, but I am amazed about how bad some of it is.  “Flight of Fury” is TERRIBLE, easily one of the worst (though not as bad as “Against the Dark“).   When a top secret stealth aircraft is stolen (which sounds an awful lot like the plot to half-a-dozen other movies), the commanding general turns to ex-military ne’er-do-well John Sands (Seagal) to get it back.  The plane is in the possession of terrorists in Afghanistan so Sands goes to get it back.  He is supported by the world’s most inept SEAL team (we’re talking a gunfight where not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM actually SEEKS COVER).  Their behavior is so ridiculously dumb, it’s offensive to even pretend they are remotely similar to current enlisted active duty military (who at least have the good sense to fire from BEHIND COVER).  And the badness doesn’t stop there.  Vehicles change mid-car chase as do planes in mid-flight (apparently the producers thought any plane that began with an F could be substituted for any other plane that began with an F),  there is some awkward lesbianism, the re-use of old SR-71 footage from 60’s and 70’s (you can tell, because the film stock changes dramatically during the superfluous refueling scene).  And the really ridiculously cherry on this pile of a ridiculous sundae is the sad news is that this is a REMAKE of a Michael Dudikoff movie called “Black Thunder“…who the hell remakes a Michael Dudikoff movie?!  So Seagal stole from Dudikoff…who had the kinds of roles in the 1980’s that Seagal had in the 90’s.  I guess it’s only a matter of time before we get Seagal’s “American Ninja” remake (called something else, of course).  Poo begets poo, people.  Not the bottom of the barrel but you can see the slats. Woodchuck sez, “Absolute crapola.”