Eye Candy #235 - "Ballistic - Ecks vs. Sever"

Ballistic - Ecks vs. Sever:  I’m making it a point to make my way through what are classified as some of the worst films of all time.  This film gets loudly condemned and routinely ends up on “Worst of“ lists on a regular basis.  I am here to tell you that I can name you a dozen movies that have come out in the last 10 years (most of them direct-to-DVD) that are easily worse than this film (“End Game“ springs to mind most recently).  It’s hardly the worst ever made. Now, that’s not to say this film doesn’t have its problems.  It does.  Several of them.   Antonio Banderas and Lucy “I can’t pick film scripts to save my life” Liu are opposing secret agent types drawn into your fairly standard revenge plot as Sever (Liu) kidnaps the son of her former boss (played by the immortal Gregg Henry) and Ecks (Banderas) is brought back to help catch her.  They unsurprisingly team up.  Directed by Kaos (not his real name), this film feels like a TV episode.  It’s an action film without energy.  It also includes the most anemic screen fight Ray Park has ever been a part of.  This is the man who made light saber duels cool again…and here he looks flabby and slow in a grey turtleneck.  Liu and Bandera have no chemistry together, nor are either believable in their roles as government agents.  And for clocking in around 90 minutes, it feels interminably long, slathered with goofy action set pieces and stunts (“when in doubt, use SLO-MO!”)  and a syrupy pop soundtrack.  Part of it may be expectations - why would we assume that Antonio Banderas, who is probably a little more “miss” than “hit” when it comes to his filmography, and Liu, who never made a successful transition to film, saddled with a director working on his first English language film, would be any good?  So to sum up it’s bad, but not the worst.  Not by a long shot.  Woodchuck sez, “Bad, but not worst.”