Eye Candy #594 - "The Double"

The Double:  This “thriller” feels like a throwback to the 1980’s, like a really bad knockoff of “No Way Out”.  Former CIA operative Paul Shepherdson (Richard Gere) is asked to look into the murder of a U.S. senator who was believed to have been killed by a mysterious Soviet assassin named Cassius.  To that end, he is paired with neophyte FBI agent Ben Geary (Topher Grace).  However, it’s made very clear very quickly (as in “as soon as you see the preview”) that Shepherson is Cassius.  And he’s not the only assassin or Soviet-in-agen’ts-clothing we have to deal with.  Martin Sheen and Odette Yustman are here in support.  We also get “True Blood’s” Stephen Moyer in a bit role, continuing Moyer’s inability to actually capitalize on his popularity with “True Blood”.  With a ‘reveal’ shows up less than 20 minutes into the picture, it goes without saying that this film shoots its wad fairly early and then drags you around needlessly complicating the plot before they tack on a goofy twist ending.  Dull, with a plot hook that’s been done better several times before (not to mention it’s incredible lack of timeliness, the Soviets not quite the boogeymen we imagined them to be), with a group of largely unsympathetic characters.  Another middling effort from screenwriter Derek Haas (he also wrote “Wanted” and “2 Fast 2 Furious’) and a disappointing first directorial effort from screenwriter Michael Brandt.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #593 - "Norwegian Ninja"

Norwegian Ninja:  Easily one of oddest movies you will ever see based ever so loosely up on the “exploits” of convicted Norwegian spy Arne Treholdt, who was sent to prison in the 1980’s for passing information to the KGB.  However, this film vividly imagines events leading up to his arrest, including his  running a team of nationalist ninja for for Norway’s King Olaf V against an evil, disruptive CIA-backed ‘stay behind’ operation that seeks to foment anti-communist feeling by staging events to turn the Norwegian people against the Soviets.  At times goofy, audacious, deeply weird, and downright silly, it’s really a film that needs to be seen to be believed.  Not for all tastes, surely, but for those in the mood, you may find it entertaining in a very offbeat way.  Woodchuck sez, “Whoa.”

Eye Candy #592 - "War Horse"

War Horse:  Director Steven Spielberg is no stranger to staging large-scale war set pieces, but this is his first foray into World War 1.  Based on the children’s book of the same name by Michael Morpurgo and its subsequent critically-acclaimed theater production (which used life-sized puppets for the horses), it’s the story of a young farm boy Albert (Jeremy Irvine) from Devon in England, who raises a willful colt name Joey to be more than others expect him to be.  On the eve of World War 1, Joey is sold to the military as a cavalry horse out of desperation by Albert’s destitute father Ted (Peter Mullan).  A young captain (Tom Hiddleston) promises to care for Joey, but as the realities of the war set in and its convention-shattering nature is realized (for example, the cavalry charge is now moot in the face of the machine-gun), Joey finds himself, changing hands through various “owners” on both sides of the conflict and in-between, as he and Albert’s fates converge to bring them back together on the battlefields of Europe.  Benedick Cumberbatch, Emily Watson, Liam Cunningham, and David Thewlis are here in support.  Harrowing, violent without being gory, with a fairly even hand (I.e. the Germans aren’t portrayed as inhuman villains, nor are all the British the ’good guys”) with some truly impressive battle sequences (both military charges; one a cavalry charge, the other an infantry charge across no man’s land that equals anything you’ve seen in “Saving Private Ryan”, sans all the blood and entrails).  The film is well-made, with several emotionally powerful moments, but still seems awkward straddling the line between children’s story and adult narrative.  It’s as if it can’t commit to either, so it’s exceptional at neither.  Still it’s a very watchable movie.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #591 - "The Trip"

The Trip:  Part travelogue, part improvisational comedy, with actors Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon traveling around to different restaurants in the north of England.  When Coogan’s girlfriend bails on him, he grudgingly invites Brydon along on his trip, and they spend the better part of 2 hours eating beautiful, beautiful food, trading impressions of other actors (with a focus on Michael Caine), and ruminating on life and happiness and the meaning behind ABBA‘s “Winner Takes It All“.  Directed by Michael Winterbottom, this is the definition of ‘droll’.  It‘s not the most dynamic comedy out there, but there are some great funny bits here for the discerning viewer, though I fully understand how this film wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.  It would help if you had some basic familiarity with one or the other of the two lead actors.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.” 

Eye Candy #590 - "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (2011)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:  The first of the American adaptations of Stieg Larsson’s Millenium trilogy novels, this film skews heavily towards the book’s original Swedish title: “Men Who Hate Women”.  Mikael Blomkvist (played by Daniel Craig) is a disgraced journalist who was successfully sued for libel.  He is hired by an elderly Swedish business magnate Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) to write his memoirs and look into the disappearance and presumed murder of his niece some 40 years ago, while she and the rest of their extended family were summering on their private island.   This involves him interacting with other members of Vanger’s family, not all of whom are receptive to Blomkvist’s task and all of whom have skeletons in their respective closets.  To aid in his investigation, Blomkvist hires an investigator, Lisbeth Salander (played extremely well by Rooney Mara), an emotionally and socially isolated computer hacker with baggage of her own, including various abusive relationships dating all the way back to her childhood.  Salander develops a close relationship with Blomkvist through the course of their investigation as they discover the trail of a serial killer obsessed with Biblically-inspired mutilation.  This is a pared-down version of the novel’s plot (most of the financial thriller aspects of the last ¼ of the book are handled minimally), but still runs at over 2 ½ hours (it doesn’t feel that long, though).  The film includes heavy doses of nudity, violence towards women, profanity, rape, incest, murder, and torture…it’s not a movie for the faint of heart.  In fact, the rape scene is darn near one of most disturbing scenes ever committed to film and should make anyone uncomfortable.  The script is good and serves the plot well, the performances from the main and supporting cast are uniformly excellent, including Joely Richardson, Steven Berkoff (in a rare nice guy role) and Stellan Skarsgard.  Those who haven’t read the books may get lost in the weeds – some characters are introduced without identifying who they are, particularly Salander’s hacker friends.  Director David Fincher made his bones with dark thrillers like “Se7en” and this film is more in that vein than his more recent works like “The Social Network” and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.  A very watchable film.  A sequel covering the second Millenium novel is in the works.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”   

Eye Candy #589 - "Drive" (2011)

Drive (2011): Ryan Gosling plays a mechanic and Hollywood stunt driver that moonlights as a getaway driver for hire (he’s never given any name).  His fixer, Shannon, keeps him in jobs working for various no-good nicks, including mobster Bernie Rose (Albert Brooks, playing way against type as the ruthless Bernie) and his second, Nino (Ron Perlman), who want the driver to race a stock car for them.  Into his life walks his neighbor Irene (Carey Mulligan), who the driver develops an attachment to, and her little boy.  Shortly thereafter, Irene’s husband Standard (Carlos Isaac) comes home from prison and the driver agrees to help Standard pay off an outstanding debt to a local hood, Cook.  Then everything goes pear-shaped, as the driver finds himself knee-deep in a million dollars of dirty money and a double-cross, with the bodies piling up around him as Bernie and company start to clean house to cover their tracks.  So the driver takes it upon himself to get Irene and her son free and clear.  A violent film (hammers to face, people getting their skulls kicked in, stabs to the throat and eye), but it’s a simple, neat little noir drama with good-to-great performances all around.  Director Nicholas Winding Refn has directed some great films I’ve enjoyed immensely (I love “Bronson”) and this one is solid, not a single false note.  From the 80’s-ish soundtrack and title scheme (hot pink cursive lettering), to the lighting and cinematography (this looks and feels like a Michael Mann movie to me), it’s all well done.  It clocks in at 100 minutes but feels shorter.  Sure, the plot isn’t treading any new ground, but the execution makes it worthwhile.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #588 - "The Whistleblower"

The Whistleblower: This film is based on the experiences of Kathryn Bolkovac, a Nebraska police officer who took a job with a private military contractor Dyncorp (called Democra in the film) who had a contract with the UN International Police force in Bosnia in the late 1990’s.  In her capacity as head of gender affairs, she finds himself hip-deep in a sex trafficking conspiracy involving other Democra personnel that buy and sell women from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union.  She finds herself working against her fellow employees, who are predominantly men, and a leadership structure more interested in covering its rear and keeping its healthy government contracts (Dyncorp has also had contracts in other countries including Afghanistan and Iraq, none of which have passed with some sort of controversy, including other allegations of sexual slavery), than in right and wrong, resulting in her wrongful termination for whistleblowing.  No criminal charges were ever filed against the employees of Dyncorp that were responsible for trafficking young girls for sex in the Balkans.  A perfect example of a contemporary instance of the banality of evil - normalizing the unthinkable so as to become routine.  Rachel Weisz plays Bolkovac with a sure hand, with David Strathairn, Vanessa Redgrave, and Benedict Cumberbatch in support (though Cumberbatch and Redgraves’ roles are very small; Cumberbatch does do a phenomenal American accent).  This film should make you very angry.   Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #587 - "Bad Girls" (1994)

Bad Girls (1994):  I would be hard-pressed to find a film that fails so thoroughly on so many levels all at the same time.  Here is a film that helped scuttle its own sub-genre (female empowerment western) in a single outing.  Out in the wild west, four prostitutes (Andie McDowall, Madeleine Stowe, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Drew Barrymore) go on the lam after one of them murders an abusive john.  Throw in the mix a train robbery, banditos, various gunfights, a hanging, the obligatory Pinkerston detective appearance, and a literal “ride off into the sunset” ending, and you get what we have here - a giant steaming pile that did no one‘s career any favors.  Dermot Mulroney, James Russo, James LeGros, and Robert Loggia are here in support of this travesty.  The dialogue is DREADFUL, the story is riddled with every western cliché you can think of (and all of them poorly executed and crammed together), and almost every single underdeveloped stereotypical role is miscast.  The production values are just slightly lower than direct to video (which, unfortunately for us, this wasn’t).  Even Jerry Goldsmith’s derivative score is obnoxious.  This is possibly the worst movie of the 1990’s (and considering that includes most Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme movies, that’s saying something).    I daresay it’s so bad, it may even have setback women’s rights.  Woodchuck sez, “Total crap.”

Eye Candy #586 - "Killer Elite" (2011)

Killer Elite (2011):  Despite the title, this is not a remake of the 1970’s Peckinpah actioner of the same name (they are based on two totally different books from two different eras).  Based on the book “The Feathermen”  by Sir Ranulph Fiennes (which purports to be true), about a team of English mercenaries in 1980, who are hired by a dying sheik in Oman to kill three British SAS soldiers responsible for the deaths of 3 of his sons during the Dhofar Rebellion in 1972.  The catch is that they have to get a confession on tape from each murderer, the deaths must look like accidents, and all must die before the terminally ill sheik dies himself.   The leader of the mercenaries is Danny Bryce (played by Jason Statham), who takes the job because the sheik has kidnapped a friend of his, Hunter (Robert DeNiro), who had previously failed at the same job.   Other members of Bryce’s team include Davies (an almost unrecognizable Dominic Purcell) and Meier (Aden Young).  Once the assassinations begin, the mercenaries draw the attention of the Feathermen, a group of former SAS who watch over their own.  Their fixer, Spike Logan (Clive Owen), is tasked with finding out who the assassins are and eliminating them.  This is arguably the best Jason Statham movie I’ve seen to date - the dialogue is fantastic and quotable after the fact, with fleshed-out believable characters and action set pieces that are well-staged without being gaudy or over-the-top.  This is the first feature length film from director Gary McKendry.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #585 - "Essential Killing"

Essential Killing:  A “suspected terrorist” (that’s from the ad copy; he kills three people with an RPG less than 5 minutes into the picture and kills several more before all is said and done; he is portrayed by auteur Vincent Gallo) is captured somewhere in the Middle East and rendered to a detention facility in Poland.  While being transferred from the facility, the van he is traveling in wrecks and he is accidentally set free into the Polish wilderness, which is apparently wall-to-wall snow, trees, and COLD.  Compounding his problem is his inability to understand the language, as well as the American forces at his heels (though they are portrayed as largely incompetent and ineffectual).  What we get here is more akin to “Jeremiah Johnson” than “Rendition”, with a fairly standard man vs. wilderness survival tale vibe.  Director Jerzy Skolimowski said he was aiming to be apolitical and I think he’s fairly successful (it helps that Gallo has no dialogue whatsoever and no one in the film is given to polemics).  The film IS beautiful to look at, and for a film that’s less than 90 minutes long, it feels longer.   Sure, the morality here is murky, but it doesn’t get in the way of enjoying the film for what it is.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #584 - "Paranormal Activity 3"

Paranormal Activity 3:  The third in this better-than-average horror film series about demonic goings-on and “found footage” is a prequel, as we finally get the back story of what set the events of the first two films in motion (not a whole picture, mind you; there is still some ‘splaining to do).  In the first film, Katie and her husband Micah encountered increasingly disturbing paranormal phenomena in their house, before ending in tragedy.  The second film focuses on her younger sister Kristi, as the paranormal strangeness overwhelms her family too, with similar results.  We go back in time to 1988, the dawn of the personal video camera era, when both girls were children living with their mother Julie, and Julie’s boyfriend Dennis.  Kristi talks to her imaginary friend Toby, who may not be imaginary, while Dennis starts to hear strange noises and see inexplicable things on his new video camera.  This has a similar build as the previous 2 movies as well: foreboding doom for the first ¾ of the film and then poo hits the fan in the last reel.  The cast is full of relative unknowns (I recognize Dustin Ingram, who was the lead in “Meet Monica Velour”, and the two lead actresses from the previous films, but that’s pretty much it).  If you’ve seen the first movie, then you know it’s all closing doors, squeaky hinges, shadows, things you can’t clearly see that move quickly in and out of frame, though the filmmakers do go for some higher-tech special effects this time around (not crazy big budget, but more so than the previous two).   If you’re a fan of the first two films (like I was), you’ll enjoy this entry as well, though I think this is the least of the series so far (there is a fourth on the way).  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

Eye Candy #583 - "Bunraku"

Bunraku:  A film with style to spare, this actioner combines various genres into one really colorful, visually interesting pastiche, including western and samurai films (something that‘s been in vogue recently).  Unfortunately that doesn’t make up for a certain lack of originality in story or general silliness in dialogue.  In the future, after a globe-spanning war, firearms are banned.   Nicola the Woodcutter (Ron Perlman) is a crime boss that controls his territory with his 9 assassins (including his no. 2 man, Kevin McKidd), all of whom are masters at hand to hand combat.  Into his world come two disparate men - a mysterious stranger with a fondness for fisticuffs (played by Josh Hartnett) and a samurai (played by the relatively androgynous Japanese rock star Gackt).  They are brought together in a pursuit of mutual vengeance.   The supporting cast also includes Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson.   The film purports to lean heavily on the Asian puppet tradition that gave the film its title (and which plays a large part in the opening credits), but I have a hard time seeing it.  It seems more like an excuse to retread German Expressionist film in day-glo colors.  The fight choreography, for the most part, is shabby.  In fact, some of the fights starring the nominally less physically talented actors have an apparent sloppiness that is hard to ignore (as in “how the heck did that take make it into the final film?”).  I was looking for a time-waster and boy! did this waste my time.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #582 - "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows"

Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows:  The 2nd Guy Ritchie-helmed film based on Arthur Conan Doyle‘s venerable property, and all the familiar faces are here again, including Robert Downey Jr. as Holmes, Jude Law as Watson, and Rachel McAdams (briefly) as Irene Adler, with Holmes facing off against his nemesis, the anti-Holmes Professor James Moriarty (played extremely well by Jared Harris), who wishes to start a war that will consume Europe.  Noomi Rapace and Stephen Fry are in support here.  This outing definitely veers towards the “more is more!” school of filmmaking, so we get more slow-mo fights and more gimmicky camera-work padding out the length of the film which is already overlong.  In addition, it is decidedly schizophrenic,  with both Downey and the film swerving from mischievous humor to pitch-black violence.  One minute, Holmes is playing practical jokes on Watson, the next he’s dark and brooding.   Not to mention that the convoluted wrap-up at the end feels more overwrought than seamless.  This film, as with its predecessor, is missing something to put it over the top from being an okay-to-good movie to being great.  It’s a very watchable flick, just not a completely satisfying one.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #581 - "The Ides of March"

The Ides of March:  George Clooney directs and stars with Ryan Gosling in this film based on the play “Farragut North” by Beau Willimon, which is itself based on the 2004 presidential campaign of Howard Dean (we‘ll go with “very loosely“ on that one).  Gosling is Stephen Meyers, a junior campaign manager for Governor Mike Morris’ (Clooney) presidential campaign currently running in Ohio.   While he is politically savvy, Meyers is also more than a little naïve and idealistic.  He starts a relationship with an intern (played by Evan Rachel Wood) who happens to be the daughter of the DNC chairman and also has had sexual encounters with the Governor.  Soon Meyers finds himself out of his depth, out of his job, and exposed to the true nature of the political animals he‘s surrounded himself with, going from golden boy to toxic in the blink of an eye, all while doing what he thinks is the right thing to do to protect the Governor.  Paul Giamatti, Marisa Tomei, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman co-star.  I’m a fan of most of Clooney’s directorial efforts (I think “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind“ and “Good Night and Good Luck“ are great), but this one left me cold.  The film is populated by unlikable, amoral sharks, none of whom you can empathize with.  It feels distinctly detached from reality. It’s  also advertised as a political thriller, but sorely lacks any thrills.  Technically sound, and it’s nice to see Clooney in a non-good guy role, but this is still a lesser effort.  Woodchuck sez, “Meh.”

Eye Candy #580 - "Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame"

Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame:  Directed by the prolific Tsui Hark, this is a period mystery/fantasy based on the real 7th century Chinese courtier Di Renjie.  When several men die under the same extreme circumstances (they spontaneously combust) on the eve of the coronation of the first (and only) Empress of China, Wu Zetian, Detective Dee (Andy Lau), sort of a medieval Sherlock Holmes, is freed from prison to find the culprits.  Working with a member of the justice ministry and the Zetian’s handmaid (Li Bingbing), he is drawn into a web of conspiracy and betrayal.  The martial arts shenanigans here are fine without being exceptional, the plot is fairly convoluted, and some of the cultural elements just have to be accepted on face value (such as the talking deer…yeah, you’re just going to have to take my word on that one).  Some have labeled this film a historical epic.  I disagree - while it doesn’t lack for spectacle, it is missing the appropriate gravitas of a “Red Cliffs” or “Hero”.   “Detective Dee” also has an over-reliance on computer animation and rendering, some of which looks very fake.  I would recommend either listening to the over-dub OR reading the subtitles, but not both at the same time as they don’t sync up correctly.  I often think that some films have potential to be more than what ends up on the reels, but frankly, I don’t know if this film could have.  It is thoroughly mediocre in almost every way.  Woodchuck sez, “Okay.  Just okay.”

Eye Candy #579 - "Attack the Block"

Attack the Block:   A chav’s wet dream, about a group of English juvenile delinquents in London, staving off an invasion of their improverished apartment block by a horde of furry black monsters with glowing teal-colored teeth.  A gang of 5 youths, led by Moses (newcower John Boyega who does well here; several of the children make their film debuts) are mugging a young woman when something crashes into a car next to them.  Investigating, they are attacked by a small, dog-sized alien, which they promptly kick to death…except that only pisses off the rest of the aliens which are bigger, faster, and meaner.  Soon the kids are running around their apartment building, fighting off aliens and dodging drug dealers and cops to save the day.  I had to watch this with the subtitles on just to understand what some of the kids were saying.  A certain shaky morality pervades the whole film (you’re rooting for people who aren’t terribly likable in and of themselves).  Executive produced by Edgar Wright (who gave us “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz”), this film is definitely in that same sort of genre-mashup vein.  We even get Wright stalwart Nick Frost in a role as a drug dealer who lives in the block.  I thought this was fun, if a tad lightweight.   Not great, not crap. Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #578 - "If A Tree Falls - A Story of the Earth Liberation Front"

If A Tree Falls - A Story of the Earth Liberation Front:  First, anyone pretending that this documentary is unbiased is smoking some great weed - it’s firmly in the camp of Daniel McGowan, convicted terrorist associated with the Earth Liberation Front, from the word ‘go’.  Tracing McGowan’s life and upbringing through his conviction and incarceration, we get to follow his developing activism and militancy against the broader picture of growing militant environmental movement, as he and his colleagues committed various destructive acts across the Pacific northwest in the late 90’s/early 2000’s, until he and the rest were caught back in 2005.  The problem in lionizing McGowan is that he isn’t’ terribly likable or sympathetic - he’s mostly unrepentant, pathologically self-centered (i.e. enforces his own behaviors on others, including family members he lives with while on house arrest), and hypocritical, as do most of his confreres.  Sure, they committed at least one act worth the risk, the firebombing a slaughterhouse that focused on the killing of wild horses.  But they also committed acts against people using bad information, such as the Jefferson Poplar tree farm in Clatskanie, which they burned down because they thought it was fostering genetically modified plants when the owners were doing nothing of the sort (it’s very telling when the perps of that arson can’t even acknowledge that they were wrong and that they targeted completely innocent).  But in the end, they come off as young people driven by misplaced idealism and a rampant disregard for the consequences of any of their actions.  Still, as a film, it’s worth watching and well put together.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #577 - "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol"

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol:  The 4^th Mission: Impossible film to date, stretching way back to 1995, with Tom Cruise back as uber-spy Ethan Hunt, who is broken out of a Russian prison to track down a nuclear extremist bent on setting off “beneficial” nuclear war to bring about peace.  This sends him running around the globe with a team of disavowed cohorts, including Simon Pegg, Paula Patton, and Jeremy Renner, to Dubai, Mumbai, Moscow, and beyond to stop an impending nuclear attack.  This is the first live-action film of director Brad Bird, who is well regarded for his animated films (he gave us “The Iron Giant”, and Pixar’s “Ratatouille” and “The Incredibles”).  J.J. Abrams, who directed the third MI film, is back producing.  It’s ambitious as all get-out and starts cracking before the credits end and doesn’t let up until the final five minutes, with several well-staged action set pieces including an extended sequence involving the Al-Burj Khalifa hotel in Dubai and an Indian automated parking garage.  This is easily Cruise’s best film in quite some time and he underplays Hunt this time around, with large swaths of the film passing without any dialogue from him.  He’s also showing a few more wrinkles and a few hitches in his giddy-up (in his defense, he’s durn near 50), but with plenty of high-tech toys in tow.  Pegg and Renner provide comic relief that never overstays its welcome and Patton acquits herself well as the only female on the team.  And for a movie that clocks in about 2 hours 15 minutes, it actually feels LONGER because it’s extremely busy.   This is my personal favorite of the MI movies – perfect escapist fare.  Wildly improbable?  Absolutely, but that’s why we go to the movies.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”  

Eye Candy #576 - "Stake Land"

Stake Land:  This independent production feels like a cross between “The Road” and “I Am Legend”.  After an epidemic causes people around the world to turn into vampires (and we‘re talking feral, bloodthirsty monsters here, not sexy, effete pale Europeans), a teenage boy’s family is attacked and killed by one of the beasts and he is taken under the wing of a vampire hunter named “Mister” (played by Nick Damici, who, up to this point, has been mostly a small bit-part character actor).  They travel cross-country, from south to north seeking “New Eden“, because the vampires dislike cold weather.  They hunt vampires along the way when they encounter them, but their largest source of trouble comes not from vampires, but from the Brotherhood, a quasi-religious gang of normal humans who believe that the epidemic is God’s work, so they kidnap others, deliberately turning them into vampires to be used as weapons.   The Brotherhood is led by the twisted Jebedia Loven (played by “Fringe’s” Michael Cerveris).  They also encounter other regular folks on the road, including a nun who is almost raped (played by a very old looking Kelly McGillis) and a young pregnant woman who joins them on the road.  Damici is solid as “Mister”, as is Connor Paolo as Martin, the teenager who comes under the tutelage of Mister.  Only the second feature from director Jim Mickle, this film is appropriately grim and somber, and looks good and flows well (it introduces more problems than it solves, but that‘s most films for you).  Rented this on a whim and wasn’t disappointed.   Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #575 - "The Muppets" (2011)

The Muppets:  I’m a Muppets fan from way back and a HUGE fan of the original movie (which I would still argue isn’t a kid’s movie at all), but I had some trepidation watching this latest film, mostly because I haven’t seen a good Muppets film in years.  Jason Segal of “How I Met Your Mother” fame wrote this one, and it harkens back to old school Muppet silliness, complete with dancing, singing, witty banter, and bad jokes.  Segal also stars in the lead as Gary, with Amy Adams as his girlfriend Mary.  Gary, Mary, and Walter, Gary’s puppet brother, take a trip to Los Angeles to see the sights and sounds, including Muppet Studios.  But upon arrival, they find it closed, dilapidated, and slated from demolition by an evil oil man (played by a very hammy Chris Cooper, who even gets to rap a song).  So it’s up to Walter, Gary, and Mary to get the Muppets back together to raise $10 million to save their studio (and they throw a celebrity telethon to do it).  Disarming, cute, with film in-references, some good songs (Bret McKenzie of “Flight of the Conchords” was the music supervisor; director James Bobin is another FotC alum), various celebrity cameos (though not nearly as many as in the original), and a big heart beating away in the face of the fairly rampant cynicism of today’s society, this is a strong entry into the franchise and a big, sloppy love letter to the TV show (there are references to several notable skits from the old TV show, including “Mana Mana”).  However, I don’t think it’s as good as the first “Muppet Movie” for sheer laughs.  The only thing I really missed were some of the old voices - Frank Oz, who was Ms. Piggy and Fozzie, is nowhere to be found (there are only 2 or 3 of the old guard left here).  Still a good movie worth seeing.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #574 - "Red State"

Red State:  I know this is being marketed as a supernatural horror movie, but it’s most certainly not.  It’s more a strange black comedy about religious extemism, government bureaucracy, inaction and overreaction, with nary a wit of supernatural anything to behold.  This is the most recent offering from director Kevin Smith and feels very much like his previous “Dogma“ in some respects, particularly its heavy-handedness in its depiction of religion. Three high school boys set up an sexual assignation with a woman over the internet (Oscar winner Melissa Leo), yet when they arrive, they soon find themselves captives of a fringe church led by pastor Abin Cooper (Michael Parks) and his extended family (a la Fred Phelps) of religious gun nuts who are against a whole litany of “sinners”.  This draws out the involvement of the local ATF field office led by Agent Keenan (played by John Goodman).  Bullets fly as general chaos and mayhem ensues, peppered sporadically with extended dialogue sequences.  Gory, sure (lots of head shots and upper body shots; no one gets shot in the leg here), but hardly horrific.  Also low on insight, high on the absurd, and most of the characters are underdeveloped caricatures.   I enjoyed it for the comedic aspect and I think Parks and Goodman are great, but this is hardly Smith’s best outing thus far.  It almost feels like more of a Tarantino flick.  Woodchuck sez, “Not for all tastes.”

Eye Candy #573 - "Little Big Soldier"

Little Big Soldier:  The most recent effort from Jackie Chan, this film has apparently been in production for the better part of 20 years (something about Chan wanting to film an action comedy in a historical setting…even though this is something he has done numerous times and with better effect in films like “Project A“).  Chan is the “big soldier” of the title, a deserter with a strong preservation streak that kidnaps an enemy general and heads home to the kingdom of Liang to ransom so he can buy a farm and settle down.  The near-constant of inter-state warfare has kept “big soldier” in the field for years and years.  Wearying of war, the ransom is his way of getting a military exemption.  However, the general isn’t going to go quietly.  Kind of a strange little film - the comedy is fast and furious in the first half of the film, but the second half of the film is almost exclusively dark and violent, as if the creators felt that they had to shoehorn something deep and meaningful before the ending, which is certainly somber.  There are some good action bits here, though not as many as in some of his previous films.  An average effort from Mr. Chan.  Woodchuck sez, “For fans.  Others may be bored.”

Eye Candy #572 - "The Three Musketeers" (2011)

The Three Musketeers (2011):   To say that this film plays fast and loose with the source material is like saying the Pope is just a wee bit Catholic - gross understatement.  Director Paul W.S. Anderson (some of his work I dearly love, like “Event Horizon”) steps away from the “Resident Evil” franchise to direct this revisionist-steampunkish version of the French classic, complete with dueling airships, wirework, and slo-mo special effects as Porthos (Ray Stevenson), Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans) and D’artagnan (Logan Lerman) fight against the forces of the sort-of-evil Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz), his henchman Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen), the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom), and the Lady de Winter (Milla Jovovich, Anderson’s wife and star of his “Resident Evil” flicks).  Nary a Frenchman to be found in the cast.  The character names are the same, as are some of the personality traits, but this has just the barest resemblance to the plot of the original.  The dialogue is ATROCIOUS (I‘m fairly certain that even in a movie as anachronistic as this, Richelieu is not going to say “yup“ when asked a question), ridden with clichés (Buckingham speaks nothing but).  The musketeers themselves are good, but Walz is slumming here (and looking very bored in the process), Bloom is over-acting his rear off, Mikkelsen phones it in, and Jovovich seems wildly out-of-place.  The film plays for laughs that aren’t there, with a goofy subplot about King Louis XIV seeking relationship advice from D’artagnan (Freddie Fox plays Louis, and he is one of the bright spots in the film, even if his Louis is a wild caricature).  Watchable, but mindless and generally disappointing.  Woodchuck sez, “You’ve been warned.”

Eye Candy #571 - "The Thing" (2011)

The Thing (2011): “That’s not a dog!”  A prequel to John Carpenter’s 1982 film of the same name which I dearly love (which in turn was a remake of the 1951 film “The Thing From Another World”), this film details the 3 days prior to the events featured in the 1982 film, as an alien space ship is discovered beneath the ice in Antarctica.  Its alien passenger, frozen in the ice for 100,000 years, is taken back to base camp by a team of Norwegian scientists (with a healthy smattering of American staff to make American audiences give a crap), where it promptly thaws out and attempts to absorb and assimilate anyone it comes in contact with, all while sprouting fangs, tentacles, and vaguely phallic appendages galore.  Dr. Kate Lloyd (played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is a paleontologist hired by the head Norwegian researcher to help extract the alien from ice, but she’s also the first to realize what the alien is trying to do.  From then on, it’s all guns, flamethrowers, thermite grenades, and people who aren’t what they appear to be, as Lloyd realizes they have to stop the monster from leaving the Norwegian camp.  Joel Edgerton, channeling Kurt Russell’s Macready from the 1982 film, is an American helicopter pilot caught up in the alien to-do.  The supporting cast also includes Eric Christian Olsen (in a rare serious role) and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Mr. Eko from “Lost), amidst a host of Danish and Norwegian actors.  Violent, gory, and paranoiac, the film seesaws between monster attacks and the mounting distrust between the remaining humans as the alien hides among them.  Director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., in his first full-length English language picture, has an almost slavish devotion to the production design of the 1982 film, making sure to incorporate salient bits to set up the next part of the story, from where bodies are left and what condition they are found in to the size and shape of the block of ice the alien was trapped in.  For fans of the original, these are nice touches without it being a straight homage.  Because let’s face it – we know how this ends before we ever sit down in the theater.  At times it does feel like it’s retracing some of the same steps as the first picture, but there are enough swerves to keep it going along.  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

Eye Candy #570 - "Contagion"

Contagion:  This Steven Soderbergh-helmed ensemble piece plays more like a thriller than a medical drama.  A young woman (played very briefly by Gywneth Paltrow) becomes infected with a virulent plague in Hong Kong and travels back to the United States where the virus runs rampant, killing quickly with a 25% mortality rate.  Her husband (Matt Damon) has to save the remaining member of his family as society in his home city of Minneapolis as well as around the world begins to descend into anarchy and human contact can kill.  Laurence Fishburne is a doctor at the CDC leading a team tasked with finding the source, make-up, and cure for the virus, and whether or not the increasing pandemic is a terrorist attack or more natural in origin, all while tap-dancing around the inherent politics of the situation across various nations. Spanning the globe, the film follows the efforts of survivors, of government personnel looking for a cure, and those seeking to take advantage of situation for personal gain.  As you can tell, it’s busy, busy, busy.  Marion Cotillard, Kate Winslet, and Jude Law co-star here.  Structurally very similar to Soderbergh’s “Traffic”, he deftly juggles multiple story lines all happening simultaneously, as well as making a 106 minute movie just fly by.  The cast is uniformly good, the film is technically solid, and the points driven home by the movie are extremely timely.  Hand sanitizer sales should go through the roof.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”