Eye Candy #520 - "The Tourist"

The Tourist:  An almost too slick little romantic thriller from director Florian Henckel von Donnersmark (his name is my name, too…), who gave us the brilliant, Oscar-winning “The Lives of Others“, about an unwitting American schmoe (Johnny Depp) who finds himself swept up in international intrigue by a British mystery woman (Angelina Jolie) who picks him up on a train in France.  Soon various thugs and intelligence agencies are chasing after him for reasons he doesn’t know, culminating in a chase around Venice for money he doesn‘t have stolen by a person he isn‘t.  Paul Bettany is here in support as a shadowy government type, as well as 1980‘s evil guy stalwart Steven Berkoff, who looks like hell.  Fine for what it is, but it’s as shallow as a kiddie pool.  The stars are good together, and quite frankly, the plot is a no-brainer - what red-blooded male would turn down an invitation from a Jolie-esque beauty in Venice, especially if they too are a schlub?  I’m a schlub and I would.  Feels very much like “Knight and Day”, another recent romantic thriller involving espionage (that one had more explosions and derring-do), but there‘s just nothing here to make it stick with you.  It‘s utterly forgettable.   This was nominated for several Golden Globes, but award worthy?  I think not.  Woodchuck sez, “Not all it’s cracked up to be.”