Eye Candy #504 - "Showdown in Little Tokyo"

Showdown in Little Tokyo:  Brandon Lee’s auspicious American debut is a sloppy, dumb buddy-cop picture with two LA cops (Lee and that other action movie stalwart Dolph Lundgren) of the “shoot first-ask questions later” school facing off against the Yakuza, led by Yoshida (played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa).  Seems the Yakuza are moving into the methamphetamine trade, moving drugs around the city in “Red Dragon” beer bottles and wiping out any competitors to their plans, which usually involves them showing up and spraying machine guns like they have no idea how to operate them.   Our two cops, Kenner and Murata, must also protect a chanteuse Minako (Tia Carrere), who has information about Yoshida’s crimes and is marked for death.  This film couldn’t be more earlier 90’s if it tried - all the Yakuza wear ridiculous loud suits (we‘re talking burgundy suit, black shirt, turquoise tie combos), only cursory time is spent anywhere near authentic Japanese culture (you’d think that all Japanese people ate sushi off naked white chicks as a matter of course), and the score is synth-pop nightmare of the worst kind.  Throw in a little incidental nudity here and there, and voila!  Plus we are treated to some of the crappiest dialogue in the history of cinema.  Literally every line that comes out of Lee’s mouth, his lackluster delivery notwithstanding, is crapola.  It‘s so bad at times, you wince.  Sure, director Mark L. Lester gave us “Commando”, but he was consigned to direct-to-DVD at the end of the last century and rightfully so.   Thankfully, the screenwriting duo responsible for this abysmal production haven’t worked much since.  Just bad, bad, bad.  Woodchuck sez, “If I said there was anything redeeming here, I’d be lying.”