Eye Candy #470 - "X-Men 3 The Last Stand"

X-Men 3 The Last Stand: I put off seeing this in the theater because I just didn’t get a good vibe from the trailers or any of the preview literature I’d read. I’m glad I did. This film is a huge disappointment and more proof that Brett Ratner wasn’t the reason that the “Rush Hour” movies were so good. I enjoyed “X-2" a ton, I think it’s a great fun movie. And apparently the reason is a.) the director Bryan Singer (who hasn’t let me down yet; even his movies that I don’t think quite work like “Apt Pupil” are still decent films); and b.) screenwriter David Hayter (Zak Penn is also listed as a screenwriter for both X-2 and X-3, but he also gave us the craptacular “Elektra” so I’m assuming that Hayter was the successful part of that duo).  There’s almost nothing about this movie that is good.  Script? Trite and dumb. Insultingly slow, with dialogue that is beyond bad or compelling. Also, it’s chock full of needless deaths, variations on comic themes that are lousier than their inspiration (turning Phoenix into an aspect of Jean Grey instead of an alien entity, for example). We also get heroes who are now villains (like Madrox and Psylocke). And none of it rings true, none of it works.  Casting? Some HUGE gaffes, with the largest being the casting of Vinnie Jones (who I love dearly as Bullet Tooth Tony in “Snatch”) as Juggernaut. He’s completely inappropriate for the part. And some of the series mainstays are COMPLETELY wasted, especially Rebecca Romijn and James Marsden (I don’t know who he pissed off, but he was so poorly used in the last two movies, he should slap his agent). Famke Janssen spends most of the movie silent and looking too old for the part. Anna Paquin (Rogue) vanishes fifteen minutes into the film. Patrick Stewart phones in his performance. And then Ian McKellen, in an attempt to salvage the film, over-acts his little a$$ off. And it doesn’t help.  The only good thing? The introduction of new characters like Beast and Kitty Pryde, and getting to see more of Colossus. But they aren’t given a whole lot to do, unfortunately, as Ratner decided to make the film about Phoenix, Magneto, and Wolverine.  And so the X-Men franchise comes to a close with a dull *thud*. This movie couldn’t end soon enough.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”