Cobra: Easily one of Sylvester Stallone's career low points, this tepid thriller manages to be both boring and stupid at the same time. Stallone is Marion Cobretti, nicknamed "Cobra", who is a rule-breaking cop in the same vein as Dirty Harry. He finds himself on witness protection detail after a young model (Brigitte Nielsen) is attacked by a group of violent cultists whose main function is apparently to murder helpless innocents and stand around their hideout, banging hammers together (seriously). In fact, they have to be easily the world’s dumbest cult, as evidenced in the final shoot-out where they are literally leaping into Cobra’s field of fire. They are led by perpetual film villain Brian Thompson, he of the prodigious chin. Directed by George Cosmatos with all the flare of a car accident and slathered in a 80’s pop-heavy soundtrack, which of course includes the Miami Sound Machine, who had a song on every movie soundtrack in 1986, this film fails to generate suspense, credulity, or entertainment. And for those that say, "what did you expect?" , you can go in knowing a film is bad and still be unpleasantly surprised that it's worse. Woodchuck sez, "Skip it."
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