Eye Candy #249 - "You Don't Mess With the Zohan"

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan: Ah, the lighter side of Holy War.  It takes a special kind of movie to reduce the Israel-Palestinian conflict to a Romeo and Juliet-like romantic comedy chock full of ethnic stereotypes.  And to be incredibly dumb at the same time…well, it must be the “Zohan”.  Adam Sandler (swinging and missing yet again) is Zohan, an Israel super-soldier capable of feats of superhuman derring-do (punching through walls, swimming like a dolphin, that sort of thing).  Sure, he busts terrorists, but his real desire is to style hair.  So he fakes his own death and heads to where everyone who fakes their death goes to: New York City.  Once there, he gets a job at a salon owned by a young Palestinian woman, and services the clients while SERVICING the clients, if you get my drift nudge nudge wink wink.  Soon, the salon is wildly popular and Zohan attracts the attention of both incensed (and inept) Palestinians (led by Rob Schneider) and an evil land developer (a character which is SOOOOO 1988) played by the only real bit of genius casting in the whole film, ring announcer Michael Buffer (he of “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!” fame).  Not nearly the catastrophe that “The Love Guru” was, and not as awful as “Little Nicky” (which may be one of the five worst movies of all time), but still a disappointment.  It can’t make up it’s mind about offensive or serious it wants to be, so it fails at both.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”