Eye Candy #604 - "Taken 2"

Taken 2: Or “Things My Father Would Not Do for Me 2” (it’s okay, he’s been blatantly up front about this).  The vigilante/revenge genre is alive and well in 2012.  This sequel to the 2008 sleeper hit “Taken” (it didn’t do great box office but killed on DVD sales) finds everyone’s favorite ex-spook Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) awkwardly handling his personal life in Los Angeles: daughter Kim (again played by Maggie Grace, who will play teenagers for the next 20 years even though she’s almost 30) has failed her driving test twice and has a new boyfriend, while ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) is struggling with a crumbling marriage to her current husband.  Bryan thinks the perfect solution to this would be a family getaway to Istanbul, where he has security contractor work lined up.  Little does he know that the families of the Albanian mafia members he killed in “Taken” while trying to retrieve his daughter are sizing him up for some revenge involving his whole family, led by grieving father Murad (Rade  Serbedjiza).  So now Bryan has to save himself, Lenore, and Kim (one more time; granted she is way less stupid this time around than in “Taken”) against a small horde of Albanian mafia who seem to have paid off every crooked cop in Turkey (and those that aren’t paid off appear to be off the Keystone Cop variety).  And it appears to all happen within blocks of the Hagia Sophia (it’s in damn near the backdrop of every exterior shot).  Bullets fly, cars crash, and people die, as Bryan cleans house against the Albanians (the body count is something like 25 by the end of the picture).  Leland Orser and Jon Gries are back in very brief support (a scene and a half), yet somehow earn fourth billing.  We do get a new director this time around, Olivier Megaton replacing Pierre Morel, but producer Luc Besson is still involved (this film does feel like watching a music video from time to time with flashy jump-cuts).  Not a great film or genre-defining by any means, but fun in its own little way.  And with a $50 million opening weekend, I’m sure there will be a “Taken 3”, even if it never opens in Albania.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #603 - "Iron Sky"

Iron Sky:  Ohdearsweetlordinheaven…where do I begin?  What nice thing can I say to start off the review? Um…“Iron Sky” has a great poster.  A black forest ham-fisted send-up of science fiction movies, contemporary world politics and politicians, and race relations, this film is generally goofy all the way around in a SyFy original movie kind of way.   In the year 2018, an American manned mission to the moon lands on the dark side, with two astronauts aboard, one of them a Black male model named James Washington (this is so that President Sarah Palin can use her slogan “Black to the Moon!”).  They quickly discover that the moon is swarming with Space Nazis bent on returning to the earth and world domination (this has something to do with them being inspired by a snippet of Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator”, specifically the part where Adenoid Hynkel is bouncing the globe around).  Washington is subsequently captured by the Nazis, many of whom have never seen a real live Black person before.  One such Nazi is Renate Richter (Julia Dietze), an “Earthologist” responsible for teaching the young Nazi children about their mother planet and is destined for marriage to moon officer Klaus Adler (Gotz Otto).  As her father is assigned the task of torturing Washington, Renate is intrigued by the stranger.  However, her father injects an albinism solution into Washington to turn him into a white person that they can convert to Nazism.  And leading all the Space Nazis on the moon is Wolfgang Kortzfleisch, played with his usual watery-eyed sibilance by Udo Kier (when Udo is your tentpole actor, you’re definitely in big trouble).  Adler decides to lead a small mission to earth after Washington convinces them that he knows the president personally.  So Adler, Renate, and Washington land outside New York City.  The Nazis kidnap Palin’s campaign manager Vivian Wagner (Peta Sergeant) in order to get an audience with Palin, and Wagner, not realizing they are really Nazis, spruces up their image to help sell their message of fraternity, peace, and fascism to the American public…before they turn on their American benefactors.  Renate also comes face-to-face with contemporary Nazis (skinheads), which cause her to become disillusioned with the truth of Nazism and to join Washington in his quest to stop the Space Nazis.  Insert large space-going zeppelins and flying saucers here.  If that synopsis hasn’t scared you away by now, there is probably something wrong with you.  Sure, the movie is played with tongue planted firmly in cheek, but that doesn’t mean that large swaths of are it still aren’t painfully bad and make you wince, with low production values, bad dialogue, and more than enough hammy acting to spare.  Sure, there are laughs remotely here and there, but it’s still a bit of a bear to sit through.  The producers of the film have already threatened a sequel *AND* prequel, so you have been warned.  Woodchuck sez, “Only if you’re desperate and in the mood for Space Nazis.”

Eye Candy #602 - "Red Lights"

Red Lights:  I don’t use the word ‘pretentious’ often, but when I do it’s usually well-deserved and this is a pretentious film.  A paranormal thriller from Spanish director Rodrigo Cortes (his most recent offering was “Buried” with Ryan Reynolds), it’s the story of two academics who professionally debunk paranormal phenomenon: Margaret Matheson (Sigourney Weaver) and her assistant Tom Buckley (Cillian Murphy).   As they progress with their work, a reclusive, famed psychic named Simon Silver (a miscast Robert DeNiro as the messianic, blind Silver) comes out of a thirty-year retirement, a Yuri Geller spoon-bending type who was never debunked and stirs great interest among the general public.  Buckley feels that Silver is a perfect target for their work, but Matheson refuses to pursue him due to a past history with the man.  Circumstances force Buckley to go after Silver alone, to expose him on his own, as weird, nightmarish happenings start to swirl around Buckley.  Joely Richardson, Toby Jones (who will apparently co-star in anything thrown his way), and Elizabeth Olsen are here in support.  While the premise is intriguing (debunking the unbunkable), the execution is duller than dirt.  DeNiro and Weaver speak wooden dialogue like automatons – they don’t talk like people talk.  The build-up to the “reveal” at the end is largely unsatisfying not to mention barely supported by anything that came before.  And I don’t know what the obsession is with European film directors in general (and Spanish directors, specifically) to put deep philosophical weight behind their “thriller” films instead of just letting the thrills speak for themselves, but it usually slows a film way, way down, which it does here.   You can be too nebulous for your own (and the audience’s) good.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #601 - "The Expendables 2"

The Expendables 2:  Now with Even More Senior Citizens!  This sequel is a step backward from the 2010 action fan orgy, with most of the returning gang back in action: Sly, Statham, Lundgren, Crews, and Couture all back to make large red holes in people (Jet Li reprises his role for the opening sequence and then vanishes from the picture; Liam Hemingsworh is here as the team’s sniper).  This time around, the gang is hired by Church (Bruce Willis) to recover a hard drive from a downed aircraft in Albania, with a new Asian team member, CIA agent Maggie Chan (Yu Nan).  Once on the ground, they run afoul of the villainous Jean Vilain (played by Jean-Claude Van Damme) and his small army of squibbed-out soldiers who are also seeking the hard drive as it contains the map to a cache of Soviet-era plutonium.  Our boys then set about getting themselves some revenge (all while helping the locally oppressed population, a plot device now seen in both Expendables films).  In addition to the beefed-up presence of Willis, we also get more Schwarzenegger as Trench (and his face just looks WEIRD; I got distracted trying to determine who in the cast had face-lifts) and the addition of Chuck Norris as the damn near omnipotent Booker.  Aside from the whiz-bang opening sequence, this film is dull dull dull.  There are so many asides to other action films and knowing winks going on here, it’s a wonder the faces of the cast don’t freeze that way.   And the suspension of disbelief just gets worn the hell out somewhere around the part where Chuck Norris kills over a dozen men…and a tank…single-handedly…in 15 seconds.  Stallone looks like hell and mumbles through most of his “profound” dialogue (Lundgren continues his struggles being coherent in the English language). Van Damme is fun as the villain, even if most of his dialogue is crap.  Charisma Carpenter reprises her role for about 90 seconds.  After the first 10 minutes, this film was all kinds of disappointing.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #600 - "Dredd" (2012)

Dredd:  There are a few rules in all of comicbookdom – wearing glasses is always a foolproof disguise for Superman, Peter Parker’s Aunt May will never die, and you don’t show Judge Dredd’s face.  This is the second attempt to bring the story of Judge Dredd to the silver screen (the last being 1994’s god-awful “Judge Dredd” starring Sylvester Stallone, the less said about, the better).  100 years in the future, the bulk of humanity now lives in giant “mega cities” surrounded by irradiated wastelands.  Mega City One is located on the east coast of the US and houses some 800 million people in a vast urban sprawl.  Law enforcement is handled by judges, individuals empowered to pass summary judgement and enforce punishment, up to and including on-the-spot executions.  The most brutal and effective judge is Judge Dredd (Karl Urban).  His tagline – “I am the law.”  He is tasked with evaluating a new Judge, Anderson (Olivia Thirlby), a mutant with psychic abilities, on her first day.  They take a call to investigate three murders that took place in a vast 200 story housing skyscraper called Peacetrees.  Peachtress is run by the Ma-Ma Clan, a gang of violent drug dealers lead by the psychotic Ma-Ma (Lena Headey, looking as unattractive as she possibly can).  When Dredd and Anderson capture a valuable member of the Ma-Ma Clan, Kay (Wood Harris, “The Wire’s” Avon Barksdale), it brings down Ma-Ma’s wrath as she works to protect her drug operation manufacturing Slo-Mo (a drug that makes your brain think time is passing at 1% its regular rate).  What ensues feels very much like recent “The Raid – Redemption” – floor by floor fighting to get the perps and get out alive (though without the chop-socky silliness).  Extreme violence ensues.  And what I mean by that is, have you ever wanted to see what it would be like if someone fell 200 stories and landed on their face?  Well, in “Dredd” you get to…from the perspective of the floor.  People get shot in the face, shot in the head, set on fire, turned into red mist, scads of civilians caught in the crossfire, as Dredd stops at nothing to get his man…er, woman.  You’ve seen this plot before, it’s nothing new, but the execution is well produced and well-paced and it doesn’t overstay its welcome.  And it finally gives the regularly scowly Urban a movie he can scowl all the time in (and no, we don’t get to see Judge Dredd’s face).  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

   

Eye Candy #599 - "Red Tails"

Red Tails:  For a storied organization like the Tuskegee Airmen, who really are deserving of a “Band of Brothers”-type treatment, this film is quite frankly an embarrassment.  “Cliché-ridden” doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of this wildly superficial retelling of some of their exploits, with stereotypes in place of real, developed characters, engaging in every hackneyed World War II movie plot device.   Terrence Howard and Cuba Gooding Jr. portray the leaders of the 332d Fighter Group, some of the first African American pilots in the American military during World War 2.  Based in Italy and operating out-of-date aircraft, they are consigned to ground attacks on trains and convoys.  The 332d is withheld from front-line combat action before distinguishing themselves during the Allied landings in Anzio.  Soon they find themselves as the fighter escorts for various waves of American bombers, saving more planes than ever before (and apparently doing this single-handedly throughout the American military).  The rest of the airmen cast is composed of C-D list actors and non-actors.  And keeping with the superficiality, every White serviceman is shown the film is portrayed, at best, as racially insensitive, and, at worst, as a raving racist.  Produced by George Lucas, this is one of his rare steps outside the Star Wars universe (which is good, because usually those steps are disastrous, like “Howard the Duck” or “The Radioland Murders”; this is no exception).  He even directed some of the re-shoots here.  But the bulk of this misfire is the responsibility of someone else.  Director Anthony Hemingway has spent his entire career on TV prior to “Red Tails”, and this film feels very much like a glorified, overlong TV episode.    It’s short on accuracy, it’s short on humanity, and it’s short on any reason you would want to watch this.  “Glory” this ain’t.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.” 

Eye Candy #598 - "Act of Valor"

Act of Valor:  Some may try and dismiss this film as a blatant piece of pro-American propaganda, but I think that’s dismissive to a fault.  Yes, the film focuses on the exploits of Navy SEALs traveling around the world, chasing a terrorist from Colombia to Africa to Mexico.  And yes, the bulk of the main cast is actual serving SEALs, so the level of acting ability is sketchy at best and some of the dialogue is crap.  But as an action film (which we seem to get fewer and fewer of these days), it’s well-staged, believable, and fairly easy to follow (sure we get some POV and night vision stuff, but it’s never so jerky that you can’t follow the action).  In addition, the director manages to create a very effective sense of tension as the mission continues to build through the hunt for the terrorists.  Does it make the SEALs look invincible?  No, but when you put them up against drug gangs, backwoods militias, and the unarmed, there is a skill level apparent that the nonprofessionals don’t have.  And it certainly makes them look scary-good at what they do.  Compared to other SEAL-based films, like the Charlie Sheen classic (which I dearly love) or other various way-low-low-budget pictures, this one actually fares better.  Sure, you don’t get a ton of trite, catchy dialogue, but if that’s your hang-up, it’s a lame one.  They aren’t trying to make “Rambo” here.  And I have seen many, many, many movies that were less coherent, less technically sound, and less entertaining.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #597 - "The Avengers" (2012)

The Avengers (2012):  Director Joss Whedon delivers in this big budget, big thrill comic book fan wet dream that is still accessible to the general public.  Building on the ground laid by Marvel Studios films over the last 4 years, SHIELD’s Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) pulls together a team of superheroes, the “Avengers”, including Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), along with ace-in-the-hole The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) to combat the machinations of Loki (Tom Hiddleston) and his otherworldly allies, the Chitauri.  The Tessaract, which has made appearances in two other Marvel films, is captured by Loki, which he uses to open a portal to allow the Chitauri to invade New York City and then the world.  It’s up to the Avengers to stop them all, while bantering wittily amongst themselves.  The support cast includes Stellan Skarsgard, Clark Gregg, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Cobie Smulders. This is a very dynamic film that starts with a bang and doesn’t let up for over 2 hours, as the Avengers grate against one another other almost as much as they fight the bad guys, as they figure out what it is to be a team.  The dialogue is great, the action vignettes are well-staged, particularly the Hulk/Loki fight, and for the most part, everyone in the very large cast of leads is given time to shine (the exception being Hemsworth’s Thor, who isn’t given a whole lot to do), with Downey, Ruffalo, and Johansson acquitting themselves the best.  There are also enough easter eggs and comic nerdery (such as the helicarrier and the villain hinted in a post-credit scene) to keep the die-hards happy.   I really have no complaints about the film.  I’d rate this at the top of the Marvel movie list, above the first Iron Man flick and Spider-man 2.  It’s a different kind of flick than Nolan’s Batman movies, less psychological and cynical.  It is, all around, a very good picture.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #596 - "Prometheus"

Prometheus (2012):  Ridley Scott’s return to the franchise that helped put him on the map, a related prequel that asks as many questions as it answers as Scott endeavors to give us an idea of what the alien creatures really are and who is responsible for them (and in the process, invalidating some of what came before in various sequels and spin-offs).  Set over 80 years in the future, a group of researchers have discovered a series of pictographs, thousands of years old and collected from around the globe, showing a celestial grouping and oversized humanoids they dub “engineers” communing with normal humans.  Assuming this to be an invitation for contact with accompanying directions, the Weyland Corporation launches a multi-year expedition in a spaceship called Prometheus to a planet described in the ancient starchart.  Upon arriving, they discover several large artificial structures, full of foreboding, Lovecraft-inspired unpleasantness and ruined expectations, as the humans come face to face with their ‘gods’ and find them wanting.  In addition, they accidentally re-start what led to the engineers’ downfall with fatal, catastrophic results.   Good cast here with standouts Noomi Rapace as scientist Elizabeth Shaw, Idris Elba as starship captain Janek, and Michael Fassbender as the Peter-O’Toole-channeling android David.  Charlize Theron is here mostly in support (in a fairly wasted role) as ice queen Vickers.  The production design and execution are the real stars here – there is some beautiful, beautiful photography going on here, particularly with the outside shots.  Iceland never looked so good.  This feels like Scott’s attempt at creating his own “2001” and elevating the franchise beyond mere chase pictures that it devolved into.  It’s more sci-fi than horror, though there are some gruesome elements, with a definite final nod to the existing franchise (don’t expect to see aliens running around though).  Some have compared this to the HP Lovecraft story “At the Mountains of Madness” and plotwise, it is very similar in a general way – an advanced civilization losing control of their technology and weaponry.  This is the best of Ridley Scott’s recent efforts.  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

Eye Candy #595 - "John Carter"

John Carter:  Being one of those people that actually read “A Princess of Mars” way before ever watching the movie, I was pleasantly surprised by this film and it’s not nearly as bad you have been led to believe.  John Carter is a Civil War veteran who is pursued into a cave by Apaches out in Arizona.  Inside he encounters a strange-looking man and, after a brief fight, he finds himself transported to Mars (it’s more like he is “copied”, with his original body remaining behind on earth in a death-like state).  Mars, instead of being a dead world devoid of life, has several cultures at war with one another, including red-skinned humans and green four-armed Tharks, who Carter is captured by shortly after arriving.  Dejah Thoris, a red-skinned princess (played by the lovely Lynn Collins, who really is deserving of more and better parts), is seeking to protect her people that live in the city of Helium from the military predations of the city-state of Zodanga, led by Sab Than (played by Dominic West).  Dejah and Carter find themselves on the road together – him to find a way back to Earth, her to save her people.  Hijinx ensue.  James Purefoy, Ciaran Hinds, Willem Dafoe, Samantha Morton, and the ubiquitous Mark Strong are here in support.  We get several well-staged action set pieces (CGI-heavy, but not too busy to follow), decent dialogue (the potential for cheesy dialogue is huge), and they flesh out the exposition fairly efficiently.  Simplistic?  Sure, but it never pretends otherwise.  The original story was sci-fi pulp all the way, with tinges of western and swashbuckler thrown in, and it’s not even great sci-fi pulp at that – some of the dialogue and plot points are silly and the main female character prances around mostly naked all the time.  So while it is considered a seminal classic, it is hardly a work of great depth and feeling.  Expecting the film to be so is just setting yourself up for failure and this is a better film than other recent pulp-derived films like “Green Hornet” and “The Shadow”.  It’s a good time-waster, well-produced, and certainly watchable.  This should have done better in theaters.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #594 - "The Double"

The Double:  This “thriller” feels like a throwback to the 1980’s, like a really bad knockoff of “No Way Out”.  Former CIA operative Paul Shepherdson (Richard Gere) is asked to look into the murder of a U.S. senator who was believed to have been killed by a mysterious Soviet assassin named Cassius.  To that end, he is paired with neophyte FBI agent Ben Geary (Topher Grace).  However, it’s made very clear very quickly (as in “as soon as you see the preview”) that Shepherson is Cassius.  And he’s not the only assassin or Soviet-in-agen’ts-clothing we have to deal with.  Martin Sheen and Odette Yustman are here in support.  We also get “True Blood’s” Stephen Moyer in a bit role, continuing Moyer’s inability to actually capitalize on his popularity with “True Blood”.  With a ‘reveal’ shows up less than 20 minutes into the picture, it goes without saying that this film shoots its wad fairly early and then drags you around needlessly complicating the plot before they tack on a goofy twist ending.  Dull, with a plot hook that’s been done better several times before (not to mention it’s incredible lack of timeliness, the Soviets not quite the boogeymen we imagined them to be), with a group of largely unsympathetic characters.  Another middling effort from screenwriter Derek Haas (he also wrote “Wanted” and “2 Fast 2 Furious’) and a disappointing first directorial effort from screenwriter Michael Brandt.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #593 - "Norwegian Ninja"

Norwegian Ninja:  Easily one of oddest movies you will ever see based ever so loosely up on the “exploits” of convicted Norwegian spy Arne Treholdt, who was sent to prison in the 1980’s for passing information to the KGB.  However, this film vividly imagines events leading up to his arrest, including his  running a team of nationalist ninja for for Norway’s King Olaf V against an evil, disruptive CIA-backed ‘stay behind’ operation that seeks to foment anti-communist feeling by staging events to turn the Norwegian people against the Soviets.  At times goofy, audacious, deeply weird, and downright silly, it’s really a film that needs to be seen to be believed.  Not for all tastes, surely, but for those in the mood, you may find it entertaining in a very offbeat way.  Woodchuck sez, “Whoa.”

Eye Candy #592 - "War Horse"

War Horse:  Director Steven Spielberg is no stranger to staging large-scale war set pieces, but this is his first foray into World War 1.  Based on the children’s book of the same name by Michael Morpurgo and its subsequent critically-acclaimed theater production (which used life-sized puppets for the horses), it’s the story of a young farm boy Albert (Jeremy Irvine) from Devon in England, who raises a willful colt name Joey to be more than others expect him to be.  On the eve of World War 1, Joey is sold to the military as a cavalry horse out of desperation by Albert’s destitute father Ted (Peter Mullan).  A young captain (Tom Hiddleston) promises to care for Joey, but as the realities of the war set in and its convention-shattering nature is realized (for example, the cavalry charge is now moot in the face of the machine-gun), Joey finds himself, changing hands through various “owners” on both sides of the conflict and in-between, as he and Albert’s fates converge to bring them back together on the battlefields of Europe.  Benedick Cumberbatch, Emily Watson, Liam Cunningham, and David Thewlis are here in support.  Harrowing, violent without being gory, with a fairly even hand (I.e. the Germans aren’t portrayed as inhuman villains, nor are all the British the ’good guys”) with some truly impressive battle sequences (both military charges; one a cavalry charge, the other an infantry charge across no man’s land that equals anything you’ve seen in “Saving Private Ryan”, sans all the blood and entrails).  The film is well-made, with several emotionally powerful moments, but still seems awkward straddling the line between children’s story and adult narrative.  It’s as if it can’t commit to either, so it’s exceptional at neither.  Still it’s a very watchable movie.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #591 - "The Trip"

The Trip:  Part travelogue, part improvisational comedy, with actors Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon traveling around to different restaurants in the north of England.  When Coogan’s girlfriend bails on him, he grudgingly invites Brydon along on his trip, and they spend the better part of 2 hours eating beautiful, beautiful food, trading impressions of other actors (with a focus on Michael Caine), and ruminating on life and happiness and the meaning behind ABBA‘s “Winner Takes It All“.  Directed by Michael Winterbottom, this is the definition of ‘droll’.  It‘s not the most dynamic comedy out there, but there are some great funny bits here for the discerning viewer, though I fully understand how this film wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.  It would help if you had some basic familiarity with one or the other of the two lead actors.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.” 

Eye Candy #590 - "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (2011)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:  The first of the American adaptations of Stieg Larsson’s Millenium trilogy novels, this film skews heavily towards the book’s original Swedish title: “Men Who Hate Women”.  Mikael Blomkvist (played by Daniel Craig) is a disgraced journalist who was successfully sued for libel.  He is hired by an elderly Swedish business magnate Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) to write his memoirs and look into the disappearance and presumed murder of his niece some 40 years ago, while she and the rest of their extended family were summering on their private island.   This involves him interacting with other members of Vanger’s family, not all of whom are receptive to Blomkvist’s task and all of whom have skeletons in their respective closets.  To aid in his investigation, Blomkvist hires an investigator, Lisbeth Salander (played extremely well by Rooney Mara), an emotionally and socially isolated computer hacker with baggage of her own, including various abusive relationships dating all the way back to her childhood.  Salander develops a close relationship with Blomkvist through the course of their investigation as they discover the trail of a serial killer obsessed with Biblically-inspired mutilation.  This is a pared-down version of the novel’s plot (most of the financial thriller aspects of the last ¼ of the book are handled minimally), but still runs at over 2 ½ hours (it doesn’t feel that long, though).  The film includes heavy doses of nudity, violence towards women, profanity, rape, incest, murder, and torture…it’s not a movie for the faint of heart.  In fact, the rape scene is darn near one of most disturbing scenes ever committed to film and should make anyone uncomfortable.  The script is good and serves the plot well, the performances from the main and supporting cast are uniformly excellent, including Joely Richardson, Steven Berkoff (in a rare nice guy role) and Stellan Skarsgard.  Those who haven’t read the books may get lost in the weeds – some characters are introduced without identifying who they are, particularly Salander’s hacker friends.  Director David Fincher made his bones with dark thrillers like “Se7en” and this film is more in that vein than his more recent works like “The Social Network” and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.  A very watchable film.  A sequel covering the second Millenium novel is in the works.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”   

Eye Candy #589 - "Drive" (2011)

Drive (2011): Ryan Gosling plays a mechanic and Hollywood stunt driver that moonlights as a getaway driver for hire (he’s never given any name).  His fixer, Shannon, keeps him in jobs working for various no-good nicks, including mobster Bernie Rose (Albert Brooks, playing way against type as the ruthless Bernie) and his second, Nino (Ron Perlman), who want the driver to race a stock car for them.  Into his life walks his neighbor Irene (Carey Mulligan), who the driver develops an attachment to, and her little boy.  Shortly thereafter, Irene’s husband Standard (Carlos Isaac) comes home from prison and the driver agrees to help Standard pay off an outstanding debt to a local hood, Cook.  Then everything goes pear-shaped, as the driver finds himself knee-deep in a million dollars of dirty money and a double-cross, with the bodies piling up around him as Bernie and company start to clean house to cover their tracks.  So the driver takes it upon himself to get Irene and her son free and clear.  A violent film (hammers to face, people getting their skulls kicked in, stabs to the throat and eye), but it’s a simple, neat little noir drama with good-to-great performances all around.  Director Nicholas Winding Refn has directed some great films I’ve enjoyed immensely (I love “Bronson”) and this one is solid, not a single false note.  From the 80’s-ish soundtrack and title scheme (hot pink cursive lettering), to the lighting and cinematography (this looks and feels like a Michael Mann movie to me), it’s all well done.  It clocks in at 100 minutes but feels shorter.  Sure, the plot isn’t treading any new ground, but the execution makes it worthwhile.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #588 - "The Whistleblower"

The Whistleblower: This film is based on the experiences of Kathryn Bolkovac, a Nebraska police officer who took a job with a private military contractor Dyncorp (called Democra in the film) who had a contract with the UN International Police force in Bosnia in the late 1990’s.  In her capacity as head of gender affairs, she finds himself hip-deep in a sex trafficking conspiracy involving other Democra personnel that buy and sell women from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union.  She finds herself working against her fellow employees, who are predominantly men, and a leadership structure more interested in covering its rear and keeping its healthy government contracts (Dyncorp has also had contracts in other countries including Afghanistan and Iraq, none of which have passed with some sort of controversy, including other allegations of sexual slavery), than in right and wrong, resulting in her wrongful termination for whistleblowing.  No criminal charges were ever filed against the employees of Dyncorp that were responsible for trafficking young girls for sex in the Balkans.  A perfect example of a contemporary instance of the banality of evil - normalizing the unthinkable so as to become routine.  Rachel Weisz plays Bolkovac with a sure hand, with David Strathairn, Vanessa Redgrave, and Benedict Cumberbatch in support (though Cumberbatch and Redgraves’ roles are very small; Cumberbatch does do a phenomenal American accent).  This film should make you very angry.   Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #587 - "Bad Girls" (1994)

Bad Girls (1994):  I would be hard-pressed to find a film that fails so thoroughly on so many levels all at the same time.  Here is a film that helped scuttle its own sub-genre (female empowerment western) in a single outing.  Out in the wild west, four prostitutes (Andie McDowall, Madeleine Stowe, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Drew Barrymore) go on the lam after one of them murders an abusive john.  Throw in the mix a train robbery, banditos, various gunfights, a hanging, the obligatory Pinkerston detective appearance, and a literal “ride off into the sunset” ending, and you get what we have here - a giant steaming pile that did no one‘s career any favors.  Dermot Mulroney, James Russo, James LeGros, and Robert Loggia are here in support of this travesty.  The dialogue is DREADFUL, the story is riddled with every western cliché you can think of (and all of them poorly executed and crammed together), and almost every single underdeveloped stereotypical role is miscast.  The production values are just slightly lower than direct to video (which, unfortunately for us, this wasn’t).  Even Jerry Goldsmith’s derivative score is obnoxious.  This is possibly the worst movie of the 1990’s (and considering that includes most Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme movies, that’s saying something).    I daresay it’s so bad, it may even have setback women’s rights.  Woodchuck sez, “Total crap.”

Eye Candy #586 - "Killer Elite" (2011)

Killer Elite (2011):  Despite the title, this is not a remake of the 1970’s Peckinpah actioner of the same name (they are based on two totally different books from two different eras).  Based on the book “The Feathermen”  by Sir Ranulph Fiennes (which purports to be true), about a team of English mercenaries in 1980, who are hired by a dying sheik in Oman to kill three British SAS soldiers responsible for the deaths of 3 of his sons during the Dhofar Rebellion in 1972.  The catch is that they have to get a confession on tape from each murderer, the deaths must look like accidents, and all must die before the terminally ill sheik dies himself.   The leader of the mercenaries is Danny Bryce (played by Jason Statham), who takes the job because the sheik has kidnapped a friend of his, Hunter (Robert DeNiro), who had previously failed at the same job.   Other members of Bryce’s team include Davies (an almost unrecognizable Dominic Purcell) and Meier (Aden Young).  Once the assassinations begin, the mercenaries draw the attention of the Feathermen, a group of former SAS who watch over their own.  Their fixer, Spike Logan (Clive Owen), is tasked with finding out who the assassins are and eliminating them.  This is arguably the best Jason Statham movie I’ve seen to date - the dialogue is fantastic and quotable after the fact, with fleshed-out believable characters and action set pieces that are well-staged without being gaudy or over-the-top.  This is the first feature length film from director Gary McKendry.  Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #585 - "Essential Killing"

Essential Killing:  A “suspected terrorist” (that’s from the ad copy; he kills three people with an RPG less than 5 minutes into the picture and kills several more before all is said and done; he is portrayed by auteur Vincent Gallo) is captured somewhere in the Middle East and rendered to a detention facility in Poland.  While being transferred from the facility, the van he is traveling in wrecks and he is accidentally set free into the Polish wilderness, which is apparently wall-to-wall snow, trees, and COLD.  Compounding his problem is his inability to understand the language, as well as the American forces at his heels (though they are portrayed as largely incompetent and ineffectual).  What we get here is more akin to “Jeremiah Johnson” than “Rendition”, with a fairly standard man vs. wilderness survival tale vibe.  Director Jerzy Skolimowski said he was aiming to be apolitical and I think he’s fairly successful (it helps that Gallo has no dialogue whatsoever and no one in the film is given to polemics).  The film IS beautiful to look at, and for a film that’s less than 90 minutes long, it feels longer.   Sure, the morality here is murky, but it doesn’t get in the way of enjoying the film for what it is.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #584 - "Paranormal Activity 3"

Paranormal Activity 3:  The third in this better-than-average horror film series about demonic goings-on and “found footage” is a prequel, as we finally get the back story of what set the events of the first two films in motion (not a whole picture, mind you; there is still some ‘splaining to do).  In the first film, Katie and her husband Micah encountered increasingly disturbing paranormal phenomena in their house, before ending in tragedy.  The second film focuses on her younger sister Kristi, as the paranormal strangeness overwhelms her family too, with similar results.  We go back in time to 1988, the dawn of the personal video camera era, when both girls were children living with their mother Julie, and Julie’s boyfriend Dennis.  Kristi talks to her imaginary friend Toby, who may not be imaginary, while Dennis starts to hear strange noises and see inexplicable things on his new video camera.  This has a similar build as the previous 2 movies as well: foreboding doom for the first ¾ of the film and then poo hits the fan in the last reel.  The cast is full of relative unknowns (I recognize Dustin Ingram, who was the lead in “Meet Monica Velour”, and the two lead actresses from the previous films, but that’s pretty much it).  If you’ve seen the first movie, then you know it’s all closing doors, squeaky hinges, shadows, things you can’t clearly see that move quickly in and out of frame, though the filmmakers do go for some higher-tech special effects this time around (not crazy big budget, but more so than the previous two).   If you’re a fan of the first two films (like I was), you’ll enjoy this entry as well, though I think this is the least of the series so far (there is a fourth on the way).  Woodchuck sez, “Me likey.”

Eye Candy #583 - "Bunraku"

Bunraku:  A film with style to spare, this actioner combines various genres into one really colorful, visually interesting pastiche, including western and samurai films (something that‘s been in vogue recently).  Unfortunately that doesn’t make up for a certain lack of originality in story or general silliness in dialogue.  In the future, after a globe-spanning war, firearms are banned.   Nicola the Woodcutter (Ron Perlman) is a crime boss that controls his territory with his 9 assassins (including his no. 2 man, Kevin McKidd), all of whom are masters at hand to hand combat.  Into his world come two disparate men - a mysterious stranger with a fondness for fisticuffs (played by Josh Hartnett) and a samurai (played by the relatively androgynous Japanese rock star Gackt).  They are brought together in a pursuit of mutual vengeance.   The supporting cast also includes Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson.   The film purports to lean heavily on the Asian puppet tradition that gave the film its title (and which plays a large part in the opening credits), but I have a hard time seeing it.  It seems more like an excuse to retread German Expressionist film in day-glo colors.  The fight choreography, for the most part, is shabby.  In fact, some of the fights starring the nominally less physically talented actors have an apparent sloppiness that is hard to ignore (as in “how the heck did that take make it into the final film?”).  I was looking for a time-waster and boy! did this waste my time.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #582 - "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows"

Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows:  The 2nd Guy Ritchie-helmed film based on Arthur Conan Doyle‘s venerable property, and all the familiar faces are here again, including Robert Downey Jr. as Holmes, Jude Law as Watson, and Rachel McAdams (briefly) as Irene Adler, with Holmes facing off against his nemesis, the anti-Holmes Professor James Moriarty (played extremely well by Jared Harris), who wishes to start a war that will consume Europe.  Noomi Rapace and Stephen Fry are in support here.  This outing definitely veers towards the “more is more!” school of filmmaking, so we get more slow-mo fights and more gimmicky camera-work padding out the length of the film which is already overlong.  In addition, it is decidedly schizophrenic,  with both Downey and the film swerving from mischievous humor to pitch-black violence.  One minute, Holmes is playing practical jokes on Watson, the next he’s dark and brooding.   Not to mention that the convoluted wrap-up at the end feels more overwrought than seamless.  This film, as with its predecessor, is missing something to put it over the top from being an okay-to-good movie to being great.  It’s a very watchable flick, just not a completely satisfying one.  Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #581 - "The Ides of March"

The Ides of March:  George Clooney directs and stars with Ryan Gosling in this film based on the play “Farragut North” by Beau Willimon, which is itself based on the 2004 presidential campaign of Howard Dean (we‘ll go with “very loosely“ on that one).  Gosling is Stephen Meyers, a junior campaign manager for Governor Mike Morris’ (Clooney) presidential campaign currently running in Ohio.   While he is politically savvy, Meyers is also more than a little naïve and idealistic.  He starts a relationship with an intern (played by Evan Rachel Wood) who happens to be the daughter of the DNC chairman and also has had sexual encounters with the Governor.  Soon Meyers finds himself out of his depth, out of his job, and exposed to the true nature of the political animals he‘s surrounded himself with, going from golden boy to toxic in the blink of an eye, all while doing what he thinks is the right thing to do to protect the Governor.  Paul Giamatti, Marisa Tomei, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman co-star.  I’m a fan of most of Clooney’s directorial efforts (I think “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind“ and “Good Night and Good Luck“ are great), but this one left me cold.  The film is populated by unlikable, amoral sharks, none of whom you can empathize with.  It feels distinctly detached from reality. It’s  also advertised as a political thriller, but sorely lacks any thrills.  Technically sound, and it’s nice to see Clooney in a non-good guy role, but this is still a lesser effort.  Woodchuck sez, “Meh.”

Eye Candy #580 - "Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame"

Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame:  Directed by the prolific Tsui Hark, this is a period mystery/fantasy based on the real 7th century Chinese courtier Di Renjie.  When several men die under the same extreme circumstances (they spontaneously combust) on the eve of the coronation of the first (and only) Empress of China, Wu Zetian, Detective Dee (Andy Lau), sort of a medieval Sherlock Holmes, is freed from prison to find the culprits.  Working with a member of the justice ministry and the Zetian’s handmaid (Li Bingbing), he is drawn into a web of conspiracy and betrayal.  The martial arts shenanigans here are fine without being exceptional, the plot is fairly convoluted, and some of the cultural elements just have to be accepted on face value (such as the talking deer…yeah, you’re just going to have to take my word on that one).  Some have labeled this film a historical epic.  I disagree - while it doesn’t lack for spectacle, it is missing the appropriate gravitas of a “Red Cliffs” or “Hero”.   “Detective Dee” also has an over-reliance on computer animation and rendering, some of which looks very fake.  I would recommend either listening to the over-dub OR reading the subtitles, but not both at the same time as they don’t sync up correctly.  I often think that some films have potential to be more than what ends up on the reels, but frankly, I don’t know if this film could have.  It is thoroughly mediocre in almost every way.  Woodchuck sez, “Okay.  Just okay.”