Eye Candy #294 - "Sex Drive"

Sex Drive:  Every once in a while, you get a movie that just sneaks under the radar.  Any movie that bills itself as “Rude.  Crude.  Nude.” is bound to be worth a look if for nothing else than the casual nudity.  Ian is a virgin who decides to steal his brother’s prize GTO and drive from Chicago to Knoxville, Tennessee for a booty call with a girl he met online so he can lose his virginity.  In tow are his two friends  Lance and Felicia.  Hijinks predictably ensue.  Anchored by two dynamite, hilarious performances by James Marsden as Ian’s older brother Rex and Clark Duke as Lance, his bespectacled friend who gets more tail than Hugh Hefner (Duke steals every scene he’s in), this film doesn’t reinvent the wheel by any stretch of the imagination, but the script has some great lines and some genuine laughs.  Quite a few of the “gang” are here.  Y’know, that group of people that are bound to be in any comedy currently on the shelf today, including Seth Green, Brian Poeshn, and David Koechner, as well as “what the heck are they doing here?” appearance by the band Fall Out Boy as “band at Rumspringa”.  I laughed a lot more than I expected I would, but this film is NOT for children (if you couldn‘t figure that out from the title, you should NOT have children).  Woodchuck sez, “If raunchy sex comedies with moderate nudity are your thing, check it out.”

Eye Candy #293 - "Disaster Movie"

Disaster Movie:  The latest in the interminable line of “____ Movie(s)”, which America isn’t clamoring for, from those Antichrists of Modern Cinema, director/screenwriter duo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (and I use the words ‘screenwriter‘ and ‘director‘ loosely, so as not to imply either is legitimately that), who have done more to savage world opinion of Americans than George W Bush through a relentless string of lackluster cinematic hooey.  This is easily the worst, I mean, THE WORST turd in that particular pile.  In its efforts to be “hip”, it doesn’t even spoof full movies, it spoofs the TRAILERS of upcoming movies, because that’s all that was out when this script was spewed on to the page.  Utterly, completely, totally devoid of laughs, populated by the dregs of MadTV (the ones that can’t seem to get work elsewhere because they’re not actually funny) and of course, the ubiquitous Carmen Electra, who should finally realize that all we really wanted from her was for her to take her clothes off and be silent.  If I could give it negative stars, I would.  If I could buy every copy and destroy them so no one would have to see this film, I would.   It’s easily the worst comedy I‘ve ever seen.  It may be the worst film of all time.  We should be allowed to sue New Regency Pictures and Lionsgate for defective product liability for distributing this film and its ilk.   The one solitary bright note is that “Disaster Movie” did worse at the box office than its predecessors, so perhaps that wheels are finally off this particular hand basket. Woodchuck sez, “So bad, it‘s either offensive or criminal.”

Eye Candy #292 - "Blindness"

Blindness:  An end-of-the-world picture about a plague of blindness that strikes down humanity and the subsequent treatment of one another once 4 billion or so people go blind simultaneously.  The film focuses on the first group of victims who are quarantined in an old sanitarium.  As their numbers swell, the conditions grow worse and worse, and their “society” in the sanitarium goes all Lord of the Flies.  On one side, an optometrist (Mark Ruffalo) and his wife (Julianne Moore) are some of the first victims of the plague, though she retains her ability to see and hides it from both the other victims and their military guards.  In their Ward 1, they try and lead an egalitarian group of victims that care for one another.  Opposing them is Ward 3, led by their “king” (Gael Garcia Bernal), who take what they want by force, whether it be food, women, or worse.  Ostensibly a “thriller”, this film takes its time, clocking in around 2 hours long and is thoroughly depressing (not surprising, just depressing).  If the message is “we as people really all do suck”, that point is certainly driven home (and gets driven home in most films of that sub-genre), with our deliverance apparently arriving only in the form of dumb luck.  I’m a big fan of Fernando Meirelles’ “City of God”, but he is obviously making capital-A Art here, and his little visual tricks and fun with lenses and filters is distracting and gets in the way of the story.  Worth watching but I don’t necessarily see the point.  Woodchuck sez, “Par for the course, nothing new here.”

Eye Candy #291 - "Pride and Glory"

Pride and Glory:  Even though this stars Colin Farrell and Edward Norton, this is a strictly by-the-numbers entry into the dirty cop/good cop milieu that’s become a genre unto itself.  The story of various NYPD officers and their varying degrees of criminal culpability, with Farrell turning in a mediocre performance as a vile officer willing to threaten an infant with a hot iron to the face to get what he wants (and for some reason, the director tries desperately to make this amoral piece of trash SYMPATHETIC.  What the crap?!).  Brings nothing new to the table (but then again, what has since “Serpico“, thirty years ago?).  You’ve seen this plot before.  Watch “The Departed” or “Copland” or “Dark Blue”.  They all have better scripts.  This one bored the heck out of me.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #290 - "Dreamcatcher"

Dreamcatcher:  It should come as no surprise that one of Stephen King’s most lackluster books became a lackluster movie.  A story that seems like a mish-mash between “The Tommyknockers” and “Stand by Me/The Body” (both of which are better stories by the way), about four men who have all been friends since childhood, have mental powers, and find themselves in the middle of an impromptu alien invasion in the woods outside Derry, Maine.  And the aliens aren’t curious little gray men, but rather gory, lamprey-like monsters that hibernate in humans before exiting out whichever orifice is convenient (“they put creatures..in our boodies!”) and the only person that can save them is the retarded boy-now-man that the four men befriended when they were younger.  There is a major personality conflict here as the film can’t decide if it wants to be a nostalgia pic, a gory horror film, an alien invasion flick, a big bad government conspiracy rant, so in lieu of doing any of those in particular, it ends up doing none of them well.  The script is chock full of dialogue that is notable only in the sense that it’s NOT like people talk.  The cast tries hard and has a good pedigree - Thomas Jane, Jason Lee, Morgan Freeman, Timothy Olyphant, Tom Sizemore, and Damian Lewis, but they are hamstrung by the script (and Morgan Freeman has Mentat-like eyebrows for no explicable reason whatsoever).  I wasn’t expecting a whole lot, and it’s exactly what I got.   Stephen King reportedly sold the rights to this book for $1.  Well, he got his money’s worth.  Lawrence Kasdan hasn’t directed a good movie since 1985’s “Silverado”.  Woodchuck sez, “Skip it.”

Eye Candy #289 - "RockNRolla"

RockNRolla:  I’m a big fan of some of Guy Ritchie’s earlier work.  “Snatch” is one of those rare movies I can watch again and again and again, quoting line for line.  The British underworld has always seemed to be Ritchie’s mode of choice, yet for being billed as a “crime thriller”, “RockNRolla” plays more like the Keystone Krooks more than anything remotely “thrilling“.  One-Two (Gerard Butler) and Mumbles (Idris Elba) are two English criminals, who are part of a gang called the Wild Bunch, are trying to get their piece of a very lucrative real estate scheme in London.  Running with the wrong people, including local godfather Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson doing his variation of Brick Top from “Snatch”, except Alan Ford was much better in “Snatch”) and Archy, his second in command. One-Two and Mumbles find themselves involved with a stolen painting, perverse Russian mobsters, and a crack-addicted British pop star who just faked his own death.  Kinetic?  Sure.  Funny?  Somewhat.  But it seems so much like watching a retread of the same ground “Snatch” covered, with characters that are less compelling (no one in this film comes close to Bullet Tooth Tony), a plot that is more complicated than need be, with a wrap-up denouement that ties everything up neatly in a bow (just like “Snatch“ did).  Reportedly the first part of a trilogy involving the same characters, I’m not holding my breath waiting for part 2.  Woodchuck sez, “You’ve seen this before and better.”

Eye Candy #288 - "City of Ember"

City of Ember: There has been a glut of children-targeted fantasy movies as of late (say, the last three years), and while this entry is Johnny Come Lately to that particular party, it fairs better than most that I’ve seen in terms of coherence and watchability. In the future, mankind is forced to build an underground city, Ember, where humanity is supposed to wait out the upheaval and destruction facing mankind. They are given a case containing instructions on how to reach the surface that is time-locked for 200 years. However, as the years go by, the people of Ember forget their past, becoming so compartmentalized in their jobs that they lose sight of anything higher than the day they pick their “career”. But the generator that powers Ember is failing, the blackouts are getting longer, and food is running in short supply. Lina Mayfleet and Doon Harrow are two teenagers who discover clues that there indeed may be more to life outside of Ember than in, but have to contend with an autocratic mayor (Bill Murray, in a “nice” villain turn) who is using the collapse of Ember for his own personal gain. The film is just about the right length, the acting is good from the leads, and it gets to where it’s going satisfyingly enough. Better than “Golden Compass” and “Spiderwick Chronicles”. Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”

Eye Candy #287 - "Death Race"

Death Race:  A remake of the Roger Corman b-movie of almost the same name (but not the same plot), starring Jason Statham as Jensen Ames, a disgraced race car driver framed for the murder of his own wife. He ends up in a prison run by a sadistic warden (Joan Allen), who stages a reality show called “Death Race” where the prisoners, outfitted in tricked-out cars, compete for a chance at freedom by blowing up the competition. Ames’ goal isn’t just to win, but to find a way out of prison to rescue his infant daughter. Now, with a cursory glance, the previews make this film look pretty awful. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find out this was film was by Paul W. S. Anderson (the OTHER Paul Anderson), who gave us “Event Horizon”, “Soldier”, and some other solid-though-b-movie-ish films. The film is shot well, the cast is better than average, and has its own dark sense of humor. Not for kids, but not complete garbage either. Paul W. S. Andersen, even though some of his scripts are weak, can still put together a watchable film. Woodchuck sez, “Worth a look.”

Eye Candy #286 - "The X Files - I Want to Believe"

X Files - I Want to Believe: I never drank of the X-files kool-aid, so I didn’t and don’t follow the franchise with the rabidity that some people do.  Not to say I’m against the idea, it’s just during it’s heyday, I missed it because I often didn’t have cable TV.  But I saw the first movie, even if it didn’t make complete sense to me, and figured once this hit DVD, away I’d go.  And the first thing that struck me about this film is how absolutely middle-of-the-road for the serial killer genre this.  You could take X Files off the title, and it wouldn’t impact the plot or make it any more or less believable as a stand-alone film in the same vein.  Fox Mulder is brought out of retirement/seclusion to assist the FBI (led by Amanda Peet and rapper Xzibit) in finding a missing agent who was kidnapped by a gang of Russian organ harvesters.  He’s also paired with their other source of info about the agent, a disgraced priest with psychic visions (played by Billy Connolly), while Scully, now a doctor, struggles with her own issues.  For a thriller, it isn’t all that thrilling nor is it overwhelming weird or odd.  And for placing the film in West Virginia, it’s obvious that they don’t realize that British Columbia and the Rockies don’t look like WV and the Appalachians.  Pretty much, this is just a time-waster, as it doesn’t expand the mythos, set-up for a return of the property, or really make you clamor for one.  Woodchuck sez, “Nothing to write home about.”

Eye Candy #285 - "Transiberian"

Transiberian:  Another entry into the “Eastern Europe is a Lousy Place” sub-genre of thrillers, about an American missionary couple taking the Transiberia Railway from Peking to Moscow.  While on their trip, they meet another pair of expatriates, a man and a woman, who insert themselves into their lives in about five minutes and in keeping with all good tropes of the genre, are not what they appear to be.  Soon they find themselves mixed up with the Russian mob and various other baddies, not to mention the detached Russian natives that are anything but helpful.  Got a few name actors in this one, including Woody Harrelson, Thomas Kretschmann (completely wasted here in a supporting role), and Ben Kingsley, the British equivalent of Gene Hackman (he apparently will star in any script that comes his way).  The setting and mood are appropriately bleak, and this certainly isn’t a movie that the Russian Tourism Board would want you to watch. Still, it lacks “oomph” and for a ’thriller’, it’s fairly sedate.  Woodchuck sez, “Could have been better.  Should have been better.”  

Eye Candy #284 - "Meet Bill"

Meet Bill:  Bill (Aaron Eckhart) is a loser.  He’s out of shape, slovenly, has a do-nothing job that was created specifically for him by his father-in-law, and he’s just learned that his wife (Elizabeth Banks) is cheating on him with a local TV news personality (Timothy Olyphant, who‘s not given much to do here).  And he’s just figured that all out.  In the course of this mid-life crisis, he becomes an advisor to a young high school student who wants to help Bill get back on the horse, so to speak, and get his wife back, showing Bill the joys of toking up, fireworks, and making wives jealous.  Felt like a retread of some of the same beats from “American Beauty” to me, but it did have some good moments (Eckhart has a great meltdown moment discussing how all work, regardless of your job, sucks).  Eckhart was solid as usual, and Jessica Alba has never been cuter, and of course I already lust after Elizabeth Banks so she can do no wrong.   But the film wraps up WAY too quickly.  Almost feels like they ran out of shooting budget at the 90 minute mark and went “Okay, turn off the cameras.  We can’t shoot that other 30 pages of script.“  They slapped an ending that is as unsatisfying as it is abrupt.  Woodchuck sez, “Could have been great.  Instead it’s just okay.”

Eye Candy #283 - "The Scorpion King 2 - Rise of a Warrior"

The Scorpion King 2 - Rise of a Warrior:  A prequel to the first Scorpion King film, we get the skinny on Mathayus upbringing and training that made him so darn dangerous in the original film.  He is trained to be a member of the Black Scorpions, the elite royal guard of Akkad, but when his father is slain by a rival military commander Sargon (played by MMA fighter Randy Couture, who has all the acting ability of a tree stump), vengeance takes over and Mathayus embarks on a journey to overthrow Sargon (who also happens to have supernatural abilities, too).  That leads him on a journey that looks like it was cribbed from “Clash of the Titans” and similar genre films, mixing various mythologies together into one utterly uncompelling mish-mash (we’ve got a labyrinth plus minotaur…right beside Ishtar, the Mesopotamian goddess of nookie).  With a lower budget than its predecessor, less star power, and an obvious lower level of talent, my expectations going into this were EXTREMELY low.  And unsurprisingly, it didn’t exceed my expectations.  This couldn’t survive other than direct-to-video.  Maybe as a Sci-Fi Channel movie of the week.  Poor Russell Mulcahy, your directing career just hasn’t been the same since “Highlander”, and SK2 is just another middling entry into your unremarkable oeuvre.  Woodchuck sez, “Really pretty lousy.”

Eye Candy #282 - "The Riddle"

The Riddle:  Wrapped in all the production values of a really bad, low-budget TV pilot, “The Riddle” is a ‘thriller’ devoid of thrills, suspense, or anything else promised in the ad copy.  Vinnie Jones, in his most unbelievable role ever, is a reporter looking into suspicious accidents at a construction site, while at the same time trying to locate an unpublished draft by Charles Dickens that people may be willing to kill for.  The dialogue is AWFUL.  Let me repeat that for emphasis:  AWFUL.  And you have to turn the subtitles on to understand what is being said.  The plot?  Mind-numbing.  It has an incidental soundtrack that sounds like it was cribbed from late 80’s/early 90’s action comedies (best part - a song apparently called “Sex“, whose only lyric is the word ‘sex‘ repeated over and over again, just in case you haven’t figured out what‘s coming up next).  And there are three EXCELLENT actors in this film: Jason Flemyng, Derek Jacobi, Vanessa Redgrave.  And they are completely wasted, with Jacobi having to act the parts of a series of bad hairpieces in multiple roles and Redgrave in a utterly thankless one.  Disappointing on so many levels, it even has the gall to be almost 2 hours long (!!!).   The first directorial effort from director Brendan Foley and unfortunately not his last.  Woodchuck sez, “Utter crap.”

Eye Candy #281 - "Disturbia"

Disturbia: I must admit that Shia Lebeouf is growing on me.  He seems to be picking scripts consistently and what he does (the glib smart@ss type), he does well.  This film is a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rear Window”.  The original starred Jimmy Stewart as a police officer with a broken leg who thinks he may have witnessed a murder committed by a neighbor in his same building.  This time, the action is taken out into the burbs, with Shia on electronic house arrest, and his neighbor may be a psycho wanted by the police for murdering young women.  A LOT more obvious than its predecessor, this one decides to forego the mind games of the original (and a more nebulous villain in the form of Raymond Burr) for an out-and-out, written on the wall in big letters bad guy.

Eye Candy #280 - "Click"

Click:  A comedy with such a heavy-handed message you can hear Harry Chapin singing "Cats in the Cradle". Michael Newman is an overworked father who comes across a magical "remote control" that allows him to pause and speed-up real life. At first he finds it convenient, but then realizes he's speeding through all the parts of his life he wanted to be there for, and spending time with his wife and children. Soon he's hurtling through his life at high speed, a bystander rather than a participant. Okay, okay, I get it - stop and smell the roses, etc. etc. For a comedy the laughs are few and far between (and frankly, an Adam Sandler movie without a laugh from Adam Sandler...is pretty much the kiss of of death). I tried hard to like this movie, but it bored the hell out of me. The supporting cast is surprisingly good, with Kate Beckinsale, David Hasselhoff, and Christopher Walken all fairing much better than Sandler. I gave it two stars just because of the Hoff, who does well in the movie.

Eye Candy #279 - "Sahara"

Sahara: Once you get past the conceit of Steve Zahn portraying ex-Navy SEAL Al Giardino, this movie is a lot of fun. Matthew McConaughey is Dirk Pitt, who is searching for a lost Confederate ironclad full of gold that disappeared in the waning days of the Civil War and made it's way to Africa (though why an ironclad from the South would seek refuge in Africa remains largely unexplained). He and his sidekick Al assist a WHO doctor (played by Penelope Cruz) who is trying to find the source of a toxic algae bloom that is poisoning people through well and river water, which also happens to dovetail nicely into their hunt for the ironclad in the dusty wilds of Mali. And all while fighting a murderous dictator. Sure, suspension of disbelief is high on this one, but it's funnier than it has any right to be, the stars have good chemistry, some of the dialogue is fantastic, and it's very entertaining. What more can you want? And this movie runs circles around the similarly themed "National Treasure" movies, which unfortunately did better box office business. Wish we could get more Dirk Pitt movies. Woodchuck sez, "Check it out."

Eye Candy #278 - "Lions for Lambs"

Lions for Lambs: Upon viewing this movie, it's easy to see why it didn't do well at the box office. In lieu of lambasting a particular political point of view, it goes after most of them. Clocking in at a surprisingly full 83 minutes (don't know where the 100 minutes on the film description came from, but it ain't), the film weaves several contrasting stories together roughly simultaneously, involving two special forces soldiers wounded in the wild of Afghanistan, a hot-shot Republican senator talking to a reporter about the "new plan", and a professor advising one of his students. Directed (and starring as the professor) Robert Redford, we've got Tom Cruise playing a comically over-the-top conservative heavy (his dialogue is so bizarre, he comes across as inhuman) and Meryl Streep (playing the polar opposite of her character in "Rendition", I suppose to restore the karmic balance in the universe), this drama's message (it's not a thriller, though it tries to be "thrilling") is that the American public in general has strayed from doing what is "right" to doing what we want and determining or dismissing its validity after the fact. We sacrifice our scruples when it's convenient and the rest of the world pays the price. It's an extremely narrow world view that ignores a LOT of other factors (what's wrong with the world cannot easily be summed up with a pretty bow on top in 83 minutes, I don't care who is telling it). It's not casual movie viewing (as in Friday night in the theater), and whoever the executive is that thought it would be with Tom Cruise in the lead isn't in touch with reality. The main problem with the film is it essentially blames audience members watching the film for their mistakes and complicity in the state of the world, and then never stops reminding them it's their fault. Nobody goes to the movies to feel bad about themselves. Slick but pretentious. Woodchuck sez, "Left me with a feeling of 'meh'."

Eye Candy #277 - "Red Cliff Part 2"

Red Cliff Part 2: Better than part 1, with less of the excess that populated Part 1 (which isn’t to say that it’s excess free). The largest portion of the film is taken up by the immediate lead-up to the battle between Zhou Yu and Liu Bei on one side and Cao Cao and his cronies on the other, at Chi Bi (the “Red Cliff” of the title). These include various vignettes of the “good” guys of Zhou Yu and his friends, as Sun Shangxiang (Vickie Zhao) reconnoiters the enemy camp and befriends a simpleton soldier in Cao Cao’s ranks, Zhuge Liang gathering the enemies arrows to use against them, and using subterfuge to get Cao Cao to doubt and then execute some of his own generals, followed by the battle itself, complete with fire boat charge. A stunt man was killed in the process of filming that segment and, after having seen it, I’m surprised more weren’t. The prevalence of fire is so great, it’s damn near careless. A tighter film than part 1, but still unnecessarily padded, time-wise. The outcome, for anyone familiar with the story, is no surprise – good triumphs over evil and everyone gets their own character in the “Dynasty Warriors” video game. After completing the whole shebang (or whatever the Chinese equivalent of “shebang” is), I can say that “Red Cliff”, while good, is not great, nor is it my favorite John Woo film or as good as the superior “The Killer” and “Hard Boiled” – much of the dialogue is trite, many of characters are fairly shallow. That’s not to say that I want Woo to abandon any future historical efforts, there’s just so much baggage tied to that genre (and literally decades of film) to contend with and rise above in any effort, and I don’t feel he was wholly successful here (it also could be his reliance on actors who tend to show up in these sorts of films frequently, like Takeshi Kaneshiro and Tony Leung). Woodchuck sez, “Good, not great”

Eye Candy #276 - "Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call New Orleans"

Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans: Why Hollywood thought we needed another “Bad Lieutenant” after the full front nakedity of Harvey Keitel in the first one is beyond me, so it was with much trepidation that I checked this one out (rumor has it the “Bad Lieutenant” moniker was added by Hollywood marketing types, not because it is direct or indirect sequel/remake of the original film). Nic Cage is Lt. Terence McDonagh of the New Orleans police department, post Hurricane Katrina. He’s a misogynist, a misanthrope, a pervert, a drug addict, a gambling addict, and generally all around corrupt, unlikable guy. He does however seem to have incredible luck, though this luck seems to wax good and bad at different times. When he finds himself heading an investigation into a family of Senegalese immigrants who were violently murdered, he is soon running afoul of his bookie, his prostitute girlfriend’s johns, the mob, various drug dealers, other law enforcement, and pretty much anyone with a pulse in the Orleans parish, and the only way to extricate himself is to somehow appease, buy off, lie, or kill those who he’s angered. Cage is watchable as McDonagh, though he has certain affectations that make no sense (his accent is bizarre and fleeting). There is a solid supporting cast here, with Val Kilmer, Xzibit, Brad Dourif, and Eva Mendes, but most of them aren’t given a whole lot to do. Director Werner Herzog, who has directed several movies I really enjoy, seems gratuitous here. There’s a whole vignette devoted to a drug-addled McDonagh watching two lizards in a house, with the camera in extreme close-up, for no real point or with any great effect. The film does a good job catching the overall eclectic feel of New Orleans. So…I watched the film. It was fine. One of the best movies of 2009, as some proclaimed? No. Woodchuck sez, “Not for all tastes.”

Eye Candy #275 - "Memory"

Memory: Got this one for cheap, and it’s not as bad as it was panned to be. Billy Zane is Dr. Taylor Briggs, a medical researcher who, while on a speaking engagement in Brazil, is asked to assist with the autopsy of an American found raving in the Amazon, covered in a peculiar red powder. After accidental exposure to the powder, Briggs begins to experience waking “memories” of a masked killer who committed crimes before Briggs was even born, who kidnapped and killed young girls. Apparently the red powder has the ability to transfer memories from person to person, and the “memories” that Briggs is experiencing are of someone in his circle of friends, including painter Stephanie (Battlestar’s Tricia Helfer), his father figure Max (Dennis Hopper), and his mother’s close friend Carol (Ann-Margaret). The biggest weakness is the reveal of the killer – the character is the least expected while also being the least believable. This was sold as a horror film, but it’s more a thriller in the psycho killer vein like “In Dreams” and “The Cell” and so forth. First time director Bennett Joshua Davlin wrote both the novel and the screenplay for this film. So I bought it for about $2.50 and it was worth more than that (and I’ve certainly paid more for movies that were worth LESS than that). Woodchuck sez, “Not as bad as you were led to believe.”

Eye Candy #274 - "Edgeplay - A Film About The Runaways"

Edgeplay - A Film About the Runaways:  Given the new fictionalized film about the all-girl rock group from the late 70’s that was underappreciated during its lifetime, this documentary, made in 2005, pulls together most of the members for a retrospective of their lives and times. Notably absent is Joan Jett. Through interviews with the members, we learn about the band’s creation at the hands of the VERY weird svengali, Kim Fowley (why any parent would let their children follow along with Fowley after meeting the guy, I have no idea; if David Lynch was a pimp, he’d be Kim Fowley), their rise to somewhat stardom, and then just-as-quick dissolution. Directed by Vicki Blue, one of the former members of the band (she was their 4th bassist), instead of some kind of awe-inspiring inside view of almost rock greatness, we get the gossip and blues of a bunch of bratty teenage girls, most of whom grew up into equally unpleasant middle aged has-beens. It’s no wonder that Jett didn’t want to participate. The late Sandy West (who sounds every bit the developing lung cancer victim and was the drummer for the band) comes across like the mental tent-peg the other women describe her to be. Cherie Currie is a vain egotist still scrabbling for credibility after prancing around in lingerie while still a teenager. Lita Ford is still grappling with her own all-too-brief dance with fame and fortune that managed to elude her not once, but twice. Overall, a sad, view of a band of coulda-been, shoulda-beens, whose greatest success came overseas and who weren’t really judged to be vital until after their dissolution. The film does make you want to go listen to some Runaways, though. What the title, which is a sexual reference, has to do with anything, I have no idea. Woodchuck sez, “Was hoping for better.”

Eye Candy #273 - "Rambo"

Rambo:  A perfect example of a dying artform that hasn't really been seen in a while. Y'see, kids, back in the Eighties, we were up to our elbows in action/adventure movies like "Rambo", "Navy SEALs", "Roadhouse", any "Missing in Action" with Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson in any of his "Death Wish" variety films. They were violent, often mindless, often messageless exercises in excess, focusing on loners using violence to wage their war for revenge, justice, love, their buddies in 'Nam, you name it. They were fun for what they were because you could check your brain at the door and kill an afternoon, and were good for a funny line or two here or there and fond rememberances of scenes of particulalry excessive and/or silly violence. You don't get many movies like that today, particularly in theaters. Back at that time, there was no direct to DVD, so an entire generation of theatergoers has completely missed exactly what place a movie like "Rambo" has - between the complete garbage and the knockouts like "Die Hard" and "Terminator 2", you've got the John Rambo movies. And this film is a PERFECT example of the genre. It's well-made, not slapped together, and the violence is more reminiscient of "The Wild Bunch" than even previous Rambo films. Definitely watchable. Definitely not high art. Set your expectations somewhere in the middle and you won't be disappointed.

Eye Candy #272 - "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai"

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai:  There are few movies that reek of the 1980's as strongly as "Buckaroo" does, but god bless it, I have to watch this movie at least once a year. If films could be likened to people, then "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai" is not just marching to a different drummer, it's a different band. The comic book-like adventures of Dr. Buckaroo Banzai, scientist, surgeon, rock star, with his band, the Hong Kong Cavaliers, and band members Perfect Tommy, Reno Nevada, and Rawhide. He faces off against the evil Dr. Lizardo (John Lithgow, in a bravura, weird performance) and his group of Red Lectroids. Throw in some stuff about the end of the world, Black Letroids (that all sound Jamaican), the Soviets, Yakov Smirnoff, and some incredibly funny dialogue, and it's an overwhelming enjoyable (if a bit odd) film. It even advertises its own never-produced sequel at the end of the film. Woodchuck sez, "Me likey".

Eye Candy #271 - "Adventureland"

Adventureland:  Completely misleading from the credits on, this was billed as a vaguely raunchy teen comedy.  It’s anything but.  In fact, for having Ryan Reynolds and Bill Hader in the cast, it managed to muster just ONE laugh out of me the entire time.  A coming of age story, involving a recent college grad forced to take a summer job as his plans to travel Europe get put on indefinite hold due to his parents’ money problems.  James (Jesse Eisenberg, who seems to be doing his best Michael Cera impression, which isn’t that good) gets a job working at “Adventureland”, a small amusement park in Pittsburgh, running one of the games in the midway.  As the job is stultifying in the extreme, he and his co-workers occupy their time with partying, doing drugs, listening to music, and sleeping (and attempting to sleep) with one another.   Various stereotypes are in effect, from the geeky, nebbish guy to the untouchable hot chick everyone lusts after, it’s hard to relate to any of these people, as common as they may be.  Kristen Stewart is Em, James’ love interest but there is so little chemistry there, it’s hard to root for them.  The only redeeming feature of this film is the soundtrack, which is comprised of tracks from the same time period as the setting (the early to mid 80’s).  It’s nice to hear Husker Du, Big Star, and The Replacements in circulation again.  Directed by Greg Mottola, who gave us the superior “Super Bad”, this film was mis-advertised, mis-marketed, and mis-fired.  Woodchuck sez, “Disappointing.”

Eye Candy #270 - "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:  This movie feels a lot like “The Two Towers”, the second of the LOTR trilogy - it begins in the middle of something and ends in the middle of something else. No pretense or effort whatsoever to bring any novice audience members up to speed. So not the friendliest HP movie for the casual viewer. Continuing the themes from the previous movie of impending doom, loss, and diminishing hope, HP&HBP is the Potter franchise continuing to grow up. These aren’t the same little scamps we were introduced to back in 2001 - now they are teenagers, with all the baggage that entails, including the awkwardness, relationship issues, pimples, breaking voices, and hair in strange places. We are back at Hogwarts, but Voldemort and his Death Eaters are at the door and they‘re playing nasty now, and Dumbledore, the wizened, old, protective school headmaster, is acting very strangely, indeed, drafting Harry to help him with certain tasks aimed at providing Harry the necessary ammunition to bring down Voldemort. Very “Empire Strikes Back-y” as we are left on a particular downcast note, but very well made, with good special effects that don’t seem for their own sake, arguably the best acting from the leads in the series to date. Jim Broadbent in particular is awfully good as Professor Horace Slughorn (every once in a while, we get an actor who just fits into the franchise so well - David Thewlis was one as Lupin). And the kid they have playing the teenaged Tom Riddle (Frank Dillane) is just as creepy as he is great. I trust director David Yates (who did this and “Phoenix”, and is filming “Deathly Hallows“) to bring this series to a close - he gets the gets the gravity of the series, that it’s not all extravagant special effects, which I don’t think all the earlier series directors got. Only complaint I have is length - it absolutely feels like a 153 minute movie. Woodchuck sez, “Check it out.”